The Truth

I'm always cold.

Last night as I was walking to the vehicle after the football game, I realized that my toes were totally numb.  I couldn't feel them at all.  But the lowest the temperature got was only in the lower 50's!

When I got home I took of my shoes and socks to find that those little digits were white along with the first half inch of my foot.  I got into a hot shower (which was torture to my hands and toes!) which eventually turned into a hot bath.  

This was not a side-effect that I was anticipating.

On my previous post I mentioned how we are sometimes blind to God's Truth. But this morning I want to talk about that a little more.

We live in a world that bombards us with postmodern ideology. Postmodernism asserts that everything is relative and that there is no absolute truth. In fact, you get to determine "your truth".  

And that's not true.

Sadly, Oprah and Deepak Chopra are popular poster children for luring huge numbers of people to this belief.  And it is a belief system. 

You should know that both Deepak and Oprah deny that Jesus Christ is the Way, the Truth, or the Life.

It is a dangerous ministry in which Oprah and Deepak are engaged.  (The links above will take you to some interesting video of both.)  Don't buy it!

There is truth.

Ravi Zacharias, one of my favorite Christian apologists, offers three tests to determine whether or not something is true:

I suggest that there are three tests to which any system or statement  that makes a claim to truth must be subjected as a preliminary requirement if that statement is to be considered meaningful for debate. Those tests are (1) logical consistency, (2) empirical adequacy, and (3) experiential relevance. 

These three tests provide a high degree of confidence that as they are applied to a system of belief, truth or falsehood can be established. The truth claims of Christianity, Hinduism, Buddhism, Islam or atheism must all meet these tests. Is there a logical consistency in what is stated? Is there empirical adequacy where its truth claims can be tested? Is there experiential relevance – does it apply meaningfully to my life? 

--Ravi Zacharias, Can Man Live Without God?

Seek the truth. Never be afraid to seek answers when you have doubts. If the Bible is true, we should never have ANY fear in seeking the truth.

Because when you find it...you will find Jesus.

Get it? Got it. Good!

It was a nice, lazy day for my kids today while the teachers were in training. I think they thoroughly enjoyed it...and I'm pretty sure they all got a nap in.

I also took a nap today. Late nights and early mornings can only continue for so long.  We all need an earlier bedtime to be honest.

It was another good day regarding food.  Hunger did not dictate my mood at all.  Yay!

While at work this morning, I found out that my youngest daughter stepped forward last night at a big youth event to give her life to Christ.

Some people might question that. But she was baptized as a baby? Didn't she go through confirmation classes just a few years ago? Why would she feel the need to do that when she's already professed to be a Christian?

Well...sometimes it takes a while before we truly get it.

I will never forget the morning I was sitting in an adult Sunday School class in the small town in which we lived for a decade.  I think there were probably about 8 other people (average age of 65) and me.

The leader of the class that morning was talking about grace...and how we are saved by this wonderful, but free, gift from God.

And I got it.

In fact, I about came out of my chair.  "You mean, we aren't saved by our actions?!  God just gives us salvation as a free gift?!"  I asked those questions multiple times in multiple ways while everyone else at the table nodded their heads.  I was blown away.

How old was I? At least 30. What? Was this the first time you ever attended a church? No. I was raised in a church where I'm quite sure they explained this multiple times...but I never got it.

The same could be said for my call to ministry.  When God opened my heart and mind to His Truths, I was hooked.  In fact, over the last few years my life has changed in ways that have been simultaneously terrifying and exhilarating as I have worked to answer His call on my life.  But the lives of my husband and children have also necessarily changed as they have fully supported this journey...even through the required sacrifices.

And they have sacrificed.

Why does this happen? Well, I have a theory. I think that God reveals things to us in His time and not necessarily in our time.  Even when exposed, if God is not ready for us to develop an understanding, I believe that He blinds our eyes or hardens our hearts until the timing will be perfect.  His timing.

Better late than never, right? So, it took my baby girl a little longer to get it.

I'm just glad she did!

About Last Sunday

I'm so grateful that I've had a few days here in a row that hunger hasn't been overwhelming.  Maybe just adding a couple of cups of juice a day was enough to take the edge off. It seems that my body has adjusted to this sudden influx of sugar. I really do think that this is what caused my mood swings over the weekend.

And maybe I should address that a little bit.

I don't know how to explain my state of mind on Sunday. I was irrational and inconsolable.  About what, you ask?  About everything.

First, some minor distractions in our church service that morning caused way more issues in my spirit than they should have. I was in no state of mind to be worshiping God. Of course, every issue that came up I was able to blame on myself.  You know..."I should've done this or I should've done that." I could really feel how this internal dialogue brought me to a place where I was no longer seeking God's face...but spiritually punching my own.

Once I got home I decided that I was not going to just rest. The house was in dire need of a cleaning. So I recruited four unwilling cleaners--my husband and three kids.

This did not go well.

Not only was I a grouchy and demanding slave-driver, but I also robbed my family of their day of rest...which they all, wait...WE all, really needed.

Finally, I was overwhelmed with the tasks that I knew lay ahead of me this week. With a tough quiz due early in the week, meetings on Monday and Tuesday evenings, a class to facilitate on Wednesday evening, along with a full week of ministry and homework, I also had a sermon to prepare for Sunday. Thinking about all of these things made my head want to explode.

And, of course, I was obsessively thinking about them.

(By the way, do you think that Satan takes advantage of these times of weakness in our lives. I think you can bank on it. Any little chink that he can find in our armor--and I seriously mean armor--will be completely exploited by him and his demons.)

Then I sat down to write my blog--exhausted, completely stressed out, very hungry, mentally beaten-up through self-inflicted negative self-talk, and feeling like a failure. Not too mention an obvious sugar issue that exacerbated all of it.

I would write something and think, "You can't say that!" It is very easy to project your negative feeling onto others. I was angry.

Angry that so few seem to care about this issue. Angry that we have it so good while others are suffering daily.  Angry at God for leading me to start this project. Angry at myself for failing to carry out this project in a way that would be meaningful.

So, I typed...and deleted...and cried...and typed...and sobbed...and deleted for a couple of hours (like I had nothing better to do!) before I finally gave up.

Then I cried myself to sleep and woke up the next morning with fresh tears.

We can't push God away. It's impossible. Even when we don't feel God is near, He is. Even when our prayers are just ugly yells, He refuses to leave us.

God didn't move...I did. And I realized it.

I'm amazed by my body and brain's responses to changes in my diet and hunger.  We certainly are delicate creatures. Can I imagine a lifetime of this? It's no wonder that there is anger and hopelessness in starving nations around the world.

Monday began by listening to a podcast of one of my favorite preachers bring the Word while I got some exercise.  That's all it took to turn my face back toward God. Just open the Word. Just pray.

He's waiting for you.

Only When Necessary

I knew it was going to be a good day when Bruce woke me at 5:00 with "Glory Days" followed by my oldest daughter knocking on the door to get me up to go work out.  Exercise always makes the day go better.

I felt good today...strong even.

That's saying something when you realize that I made caramel apples with the kids after school! Sometimes things like that are enough to put me over the edge.

I've been working on my sermon for Sunday.  It's on the biblical concept that we are all called to be in ministry.

That doesn't mean that you are expected to run out and quit your job and start going to seminary.  But, no matter what your job is, you should be serving others on a regular basis using your gifts, abilities,  passions, and prior experiences.

Although many people do this by serving in their churches, they are missing the boat if they are not also serving outside of their churches.

Most people immediately equate this with "volunteering". And volunteering is a wonderful way to be in service to others. But you can also be in ministry by raising your children to know and love God, having a conversation with your neighbor in which the Holy Spirit prompts you to share the Gospel, or even writing a blog.  :)

Each of us should have a personal ministry where we intentionally reach out to others based on our specific and unique set of gifts. This isn't always through our words, but through our actions. In fact, Francis of Assisi is famously quoted as saying:

Keep in mind that God created you with inborn gifts and talents, blessed you with others who helped you develop specific abilities, and guided you through the experiences in your life that have led you to this point right now. You are the only person in the world who is that specific combination that defines who you are.

And God has a specific plan that involves YOU. You are the only person who can reach certain other people in this world. If you are a Christian, the Holy Spirit is calling you to your task.

Are you listening?

Even more importantly...

are you answering?

Our Bodies...Now and Then

I think I had lots of prayers for me last night because I had a much, much better day today.

And I realized that I have exactly 40 days left.  Forty more days of prayers from you all would be welcomed!

Mondays are weigh-in days and I was shocked to see that I was down 7 pounds this week.  Our bodies are sure weird and beyond my comprehension.

After taking a shower this morning and drinking some cranberry-pomegranate juice, I headed to the gym and worked out while listening to God's Word on my iPod.  What a great way to start my day!

And it was a busy one.  

I'm preaching the next two Sundays so I've got lots of preparation to do on top of my typical responsibilities and homework.  A Greek quiz is calling my name right now...and I'm not ready to answer.  

Tonight our Lifetree Cafe episode was on having a healthy body image.  The discussion that took place among the college students was interesting.  They have grown up with technology so they said things like, "Well, everyone knows that the images in the magazines are "Photo-shopped".  Yes, I would agree that their generation is pretty aware of that.  Then a guy said, "But even though we all know it, we still hold those images as our ideal."

One of the young ladies in the group is from Zimbabwe.  She said she didn't understand when she came to our country why so many of her female friends were constantly dieting and worrying about their weight.  She indicated that this is not the case in the culture in which she was raised.  In fact, with hunger being an issue in many areas of her country, a larger figure is a sign of health and is seen as normal if not desirable.  

I pray that she has not let our culture negatively affect her positive self-image.

The whole conversation made me wonder how our glorified bodies will look.  Will my face be recognizable?  Will I have the same body but perfect proportions?  Are the proportions that we have deemed perfect the same that God deems as perfect?  Will I weight 200 pounds or maybe 135 pounds?   Would I need a bigger bra or smaller shoes?  

I honestly believe that these questions will seem silly and will be quite irrelevant.  Maybe we'll even laugh at our selfish obsessions as we finally truly enjoy the bodies that God has provided for us.

No matter what your size is today, make the most out of the body you have...dance, swim, exercise...  

Don't let your self-consciousness of your shape (thin or thick) keep you from fully participating in life.

Who Cares

Not posting.  I'm an emotional mess tonight and it wouldn't be pretty.

The things I want to say are ugly and hurtful.

Who cares.

Mrs. Hyde

You may have noticed that I got my new blood work posted on "The Stats" page of the website.  However, you may also notice that it doesn't report my progress on the categories in which I had the most concern--blood platelets, hemoglobin, etc.  Although I specifically told the nurse we needed to check these things, she said she would ask the PA...and then apparently they decided together that this was unnecessary.  So, these things were not checked in my last blood draw.  I was not very happy about it.

So, I've been going forward unsure of whether or not I am still anemic.

But over the last few days I have begun to experience symptoms that have concerned me:  dizziness, confusion, extreme irritability (my husband refers to this as Mrs. Hyde), the inability to focus, and near-fainting.  My daughter has fainted a couple of times and has told me that first things go dark.  I've had things start going dark several times but have been able to fight through this.

This morning my husband and I were timing at our children's swim meet and I was really struggling to understand simple directions (even though I've timed many, many times) and fighting feelings of dizziness.

We decided together that it was time to add some more calories.  He stole a cranberry-grape juice from our kids' cooler and I drank it.

It was like candy!  That was my first experience of something sweet in 67 days.  I felt better within a few minutes.

So...juice has been added as an acceptable supplement to my diet.  I allowed myself two cups of it today--one in the morning and one in the evening.  This increased my caloric intake by about 175%.  I am also still taking vitamins including Iron and B12.

Hopefully these symptoms will now cease.  I'm wondering if they are simply caused by low blood sugar, especially now that I've reviewed those symptoms and seen how my body has responded to the juice.

I'm still moving forward, though, and hope that no additional alterations need to be made.

And they won't be, as long as Mrs. Hyde has made her last appearance.