A Night to Remember

I've finally got the concert sorted out in my mind enough to post a blog about it. I posted it in my family blog rather than this one. You can see it here.

What a perfect night it was.

Who goes to see their favorite artist after waiting 28 years for the opportunity and ends up on the front row?

But there are negatives to being so close...I was able to see the good, the bad, and the ugly. Nothing is hidden from view when you are that close.  I could see Bruce telling the band which song would be next, the wrinkles, the snot...but I could also see the sweet smiles at the disabled girl beside me and every single pluck of the guitar strings.

Yep, Bruce is most definitely human. Full of flaws and fighting internal and external battles just like the rest of us.

But he is also sharing his gifts with the world--gifts given to him by our Creator. And you may not realize just how many of them acknowledge God and that grace offered through our Savior.

Take a listen...

Executive Privilege

It's scary how quickly the symptoms of malnutrition have become evident in the last several days.

I noticed a few days ago that my teeth looked like they had blue/gray in them. Actually, I just ignored it thinking it was juice stains or something.  However, after doing some research it seems to be related to the anemia. The discoloration is internal and not external.

I've mentioned before that I have been struggling to concentrate and think. This morning as I taught a Sunday School class I was embarrassed when I completely lost my train of thought in the middle of asking a question.  Although it came back to me in a few seconds, it was a scary feeling.  Don't get me wrong, I've lost my train of thought before...but this was different. I felt lost and confused.

The hunger is also constant now.  Up until a few days ago, when I woke up I felt fine. It seemed as if my digestive system just shut down while I slept resulting in a period of relief in the mornings until I ate my first 1/2 serving.  Now I wake up hungry and, even after eating a half serving, stay hungry.

The anger/grouchiness also rarely subsides. But I can pinpoint it now and it doesn't start in my head. It comes from a feeling of discomfort in my body. I felt this discomfort even early in the project but wasn't able to connect it to my feelings of anger until recently.

Scary.

And even though I understand rationally that my anger is coming from something physical and not mental, I'm unable to keep it from affecting my mental state. Does that even make sense to you? It sounds completely bizarre to me, but it's true.

And I am angry almost all of the time. I can't seem to control it. This afternoon I took a long nap (because I'm exhausted) and then spent the late afternoon and evening listening to lectures and completing homework in the solitude of my office where I wouldn't snap at anyone.

I did, however, take the time to plant some tulip bulbs (my favorite!) right after my nap while I was still sane from the needed rest. These tulips signify hope for the future but will also serve as a reminder of the last few days of this journey into hunger.

That's right. I said "last few days".

When I began this project, I promised my husband and children that they could demand that I stop if they saw the need.  Upon waking this morning, my husband invoked his executive privilege. He told me that the time was here.  He said, "I'm moving up your date to eat. It's November 1. You will have completed three months and that's long enough.  Besides that," he said, "you need to have your strength for the Springsteen concert.  The last thing I want is for your to pass out and be carried out on a stretcher rather than enjoying it."

Good point. And I respect this man who has allowed me to experience hunger even though my whole family has paid a price for it.

So...there it is. I believe that I've pushed my body as far as I can. And I'm looking forward to getting healthy again.

Beginning November 1 I will be substituting one meal with one daily serving of Numana while eating normal, healthy meals for the other two regular meals of the day.

Yes, my journey into hunger will be over but my spiritual year-long journey will continue in a way that is still sacrificial and a meaningful reminder to me of all of those in our world who are suffering from the effects of long-term hunger.

Lost and Found

No time to blog last night. I was busy having a nervous breakdown about my Greek class. I'm quite certain that the grade for the quiz I took last night will be disappointing. Afterwards the only thing I was up to doing was sleeping...and even that didn't come easy.

After work today I went to get my hair cut along with my kids. The little gal that does our hair has been a supporter of this project and I always look forward to seeing her.

Today I realized as we talked that she didn't know how Bruce Springsteen became part of my story...which made me realized that you probably don't know either!

Well, before I explain, take a look at this. It's a blog post I wrote in January of 2009 that will introduce you to the beginning of this little journey.

No peeking ahead!  If you haven't read it yet, stop now and click the link above and read it before you go on!

There are so many details that I can't explain in this short blog, but I have come to associate the loss of my spiritual life with the loss of this magazine...and the return of my spiritual life with the return of it.  No, I'm not blaming the person who stole it, I believe this was God's will and God's timing.

I don't believe that the magazine itself had anything to do with my relationship with Christ. And I certainly don't worship Bruce Springsteen. But I do believe that God knew it would get my attention.

Several events were triggered by this one act of redemption...the reading of my first book on Christian apologetics, followed by a hunger for more, followed by a conversion of sorts that resulted in a renewal of my soul that could only come from the Holy Spirit.

Yes, I believe that God talks to me through Bruce...without that man even knowing it.  And I love that!

How is God trying to reach you?  Because He is trying to reach you.

Breakfast, Babies, and Bruce

The day started with my husband announcing that he was making me breakfast. "What do you want? Sausage? Eggs? Pancakes?" He is getting worried about me physically and emotionally. But I insisted that I can make it another 28 days.

Thank God it was a good day. Honestly, that's amazing for a Saturday prior to a morning of preaching.

I'm pretty excited that my mentor asked me to preach for her tomorrow on Laity Sunday...at three churches. It's going to be an eye-opener!  Services will take place in three different churches in three different communities at 9:00, 10:00, and 11:00 am.

Today I took both my girls to my niece's baby shower in Wichita. It will be the first great grand baby for my folks. This also means that I will have a sister who is a grandma. It is hard to believe that we've reached this point in our lives. I must say that I am anxious to meet little Miss Gracie Leigh in a few months.

I didn't even cringe at the cupcakes and punch, but chatted happily with my sister, daughters, and friends.

On the way home the girls and I talked about the approaching Bruce Springsteen concert as we listened to his music. "Are you counting down the days?" Ha! "Have you seen him before, momma?" Nope. But my favorite question was, "What are you most excited about...Bruce or food?"

Hmm...

I'll put it this way, I can eat at midnight. But if the concert goes on until 1:00 or 2:00 or even 3:00 am, we won't be leaving early.

Only When Necessary

I knew it was going to be a good day when Bruce woke me at 5:00 with "Glory Days" followed by my oldest daughter knocking on the door to get me up to go work out.  Exercise always makes the day go better.

I felt good today...strong even.

That's saying something when you realize that I made caramel apples with the kids after school! Sometimes things like that are enough to put me over the edge.

I've been working on my sermon for Sunday.  It's on the biblical concept that we are all called to be in ministry.

That doesn't mean that you are expected to run out and quit your job and start going to seminary.  But, no matter what your job is, you should be serving others on a regular basis using your gifts, abilities,  passions, and prior experiences.

Although many people do this by serving in their churches, they are missing the boat if they are not also serving outside of their churches.

Most people immediately equate this with "volunteering". And volunteering is a wonderful way to be in service to others. But you can also be in ministry by raising your children to know and love God, having a conversation with your neighbor in which the Holy Spirit prompts you to share the Gospel, or even writing a blog.  :)

Each of us should have a personal ministry where we intentionally reach out to others based on our specific and unique set of gifts. This isn't always through our words, but through our actions. In fact, Francis of Assisi is famously quoted as saying:

Keep in mind that God created you with inborn gifts and talents, blessed you with others who helped you develop specific abilities, and guided you through the experiences in your life that have led you to this point right now. You are the only person in the world who is that specific combination that defines who you are.

And God has a specific plan that involves YOU. You are the only person who can reach certain other people in this world. If you are a Christian, the Holy Spirit is calling you to your task.

Are you listening?

Even more importantly...

are you answering?

Following God's Leading

Sixty days!

One of the things that I have promised myself from the beginning of this project is that I would end it when I felt led by the Holy Spirit to do so.  With my weight dropping faster than I expected, a year does not seem reasonable at this point.

Although I have considered different strategies to protect my health while continuing the project (adding a fruit and/or vegetable, nuts, doubling my portion sizes, etc.), mostly I have just continued through life feeling that I would know the right thing to do when it was time.

This weekend the decision was made.

I try hard to listen to God.  When some people talk about listening to Him, I feel frustrated that I am apparently so hard of hearing.  It is my belief, however, that God finds ways that make sense to each one of us individually.  And, once we figure it out, He uses that method over and over.  If we pay attention, we will "hear" Him in other ways and He will use those, also.

But for right now, if you have been a faithful reader, you know one way that God "talks" to me.

I honestly don't know why I didn't see this earlier, except that I'm a bit stubborn and wanted to complete this project in the way that I set out to complete it.  Yeah, yeah, yeah.  I know..."Man plans.  God laughs."

The final day of the project will be November 17, 2012.  I will have completed 109 days of hunger at that time.

Why November 17?  Because I will see Bruce Springsteen live in concert for the first time in my life that night.  (The number 109 has some significance in my life that I think my sisters would appreciate.)  I think it's been God's plan all along.

In 60 days I have lost nearly 50 pounds.  Although this 60 days has been difficult, I expect that as my weight continues to drop it is going to get much harder.

All along I thought that if the time came in which I felt the project would be cut short, I would feel that I failed.  I don't.  This is another reason that I know God is leading me to this decision.  I am at peace with 109 days.  Excited even.

But this means that I also plan to move up the packaging event in Salina.  I will be promoting it around the city and securing a venue to do this sometime in the early to middle spring.

If you would like me to present the project to your group, club, or church; I would love to come share the journey and invite them to participate.  It is not "my" project.  It is "our" project and I would love your group to be a part of it.  You don't even have to live here or near here to participate in this effort unless you specifically want to help package.  In that case, make sure you are within a reasonable driving distance.   Email me at admin@onedailyserving.com to schedule a time and date.

Now...what will be my first meal as a midnight snack after the concert?  Decisions, decisions...

Pray Expectantly

A friend of mine had a very serious stroke yesterday.  It was so serious, in fact, that she had to be air-lifted to Wichita.

Life can change on a dime.

It made me realize how fragile our bodies are and question whether or not I should be continuing to put mine through the stress of hunger.  

In fact, after several rough days in a row I really felt like it was time to stop.  Before bed last night my husband said, "I think it is time for you to get something to eat."  

I went to bed without posting...thinking that I just could not do this anymore.  And telling myself that my little project really doesn't even matter.  I prayed for my friend and I prayed that God would give me guidance.

Then this morning my husband's radio alarm woke me up with:

"Born down in a dead man's town.

The first kick I took was when I hit the ground.

End up like a dog that's been beat too much,

'til you spend half your life just coverin' up."

Yep...Bruce.  (If this means nothing to you, look back at August 1 and 2.)

This verse of the song fits the lives of those babies born in countries where hunger is just a part of life.  I know that the song was about a dying city in the US, but it has a whole new meaning to me.  His "dead man's town" can't compare to Nairobi, Kenya...and many, many others.  Read that verse once more with those people in your heads.

And on a personal level, this is a communication from God.  Yes, I know it is weird that God uses "The Boss" to send me messages.  But I will continue.

And I pray that this project is fruitful...even if I never see the fruit with my own eyes.

I will also let you know how my friend is doing later this evening.  In the meantime, please pray for a miraculous recovery for her.  Pray with the expectation that there will be healing.  Pray for strength, courage, and comfort for her but also for her family and friends.

Sabbath

Today was my first time to intentionally practice a Sabbath.

I slept in and spent my day relaxing--doing the things I enjoy doing (mostly in my PJs).  I wrote, visited with friends through facebook, prayed, thought about everything and nothing, read, played the guitar, and listed to music.  What a great day.

This is something I've intended to practice regularly for a long time.  It's tough when you are raising a family to set aside time to relax and rejuvenate.  However, that is what God intended for us to do.  I would also say that it doesn't have to be on Sunday.  In fact, mine won't.  Sundays are just too busy at our house.  Instead, we will choose Saturday.

I encourage you to pick a day and give it a try.  Be careful not get legalistic about it though.  God never intended it to be a hassle, but a blessing.

Food was absolutely a non-issue today.  I ate my serving of Numana at about 3:30 and was satisfied.

One of the songs I played today was "The Ghost of Tom Joad".  Yes, another Springsteen song.  :)  As I played and sang, the words got to me.  They certainly tie in with my project.

This version includes a musician and singer from the band "Rage Against the Machine".  They remade the song a few years back.  It's a neat version of the song--and to be honest, I like a bit of screamin' guitar now and then.  Enjoy!

Nobody's kiddin' nobody about where it goes...

Obstacles...Seen and Unseen

I'm not a morning person.  Yet, here I am up early again this morning.  Why?  Bruce woke me up again.  This morning's 5am alarm was Springsteen's angry anthem, "Born in the USA".  Wow.

My biggest fear yesterday was that I would unconsciously pop something in my mouth without thinking.  I didn't.  I carried a water bottle with me most of the day.

When I came home after work, our "I am Second" bracelets were waiting for me.  The kids are wearing them, also.  My family's support is crucial to my success.  I know I am blessed in that area.

Then I took the kids to get haircuts.  On the way, I noticed that my elbow was bothering me.  Upon closer inspection, I realized that something had bit me--something with fangs.  These fang holes are a good 2mm apart, and there are two sets.  By the time we got to the hair stylist's, a large red feverish 2-inch circle enclosed them.

Great.

There have been articles in papers all over Kansas about the large number of spiders this year--in particular, Brown Recluse.  That may sound a bit paranoid; however, my husband has found several both at work and in our home even though our home has been sprayed specifically for spiders.

As I looked over this big red welt, my mind wasn't thinking as much about the type of spider that bit me as it was thinking about spiritual warfare.  Now, I don't know that Satan is responsible for my spider bites.  However, I do know that it is possible.  Why now?  Because I'm trying to make an impact on others.

Angels and demons?  Don't be ridiculous.

It is so hard to believe in those things we can't see.  Yet we are told over and over again in the Bible that they are real.  In fact, we are made up of body, spirit, and soul.  If you have a spirit, why is it so hard to believe that there are other spirits?  We know so very little about our world...our reality.  Yet, we think we know so much.

Let me ask you, if I professed to be a Christian but didn't live my life for Christ and rested in the false security that going to church each Sunday was somehow equivalent to faith--would Satan mess with me?  No need.  He would already have me.  It's those who live their faith that must fight this spiritual battle on a regular basis.  

So, if you were Satan (Remember, he is NOT God's equal.  He is not omniscient, omnipotent, or omnipresent.) with limited resources and abilities, who would you target for temptation and destruction?

I believe that those who must be the most on guard are those who are reaching out.  My piddly efforts may be bigger than some, but they don't compare to many, many others.  Billy Graham describes it as "living in a perpetual battlefield." (Angels, 1995)

In his letter to the people of Ephesus, the Apostle Paul says, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood,but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." (Ephesians 6:12, NIV)

The spider bites look better this morning.  All is well.  But I do feel like I've received fair warning to be on the lookout.

This journey is not going to be easy.

The First Blessing

My family and I celebrated yesterday.  We celebrated some of my favorite food and the beginning of this project.  It was great to have a late family meal at one of our favorite restaurants while we visited and watched the Olympics.

Later in the evening I had my favorite treat--a Wild Cherry Mudslide from Spangles.  Mmmmm...   This is the closest thing I've found to the "Brown Derby" that was served at the local drive-in of my hometown when I was a kid. (If you are ever in the Wichita area, I recommend that you give it a try!)

It was a great evening with my family.

I also found out that I have my first donor.  One of my husband's colleagues at work pledged to donate $1 for each day that I am successful in abstaining from any food other than water and my daily portion of Numana.

Not only that, but he shared the project with his small group from his church and they are praying for the success of this project.  That is an amazing contribution for which I am very grateful!

I went to bed last night in a state of excitement and fear.  I've been surprised at the fear I have felt in the face of this challenge.  But, I slept well.

God talks to each of us in different ways.  Although this may sound a little bizarre to some of you, those who know me and have heard the story of my call to ministry know that God has used Bruce Springsteen throughout my life in some very...err...instrumental....ways.  That's a whole other (and fascinating) story.

With Bruce in concert this year, I've found myself listening quite often to some of his live recordings.  When my kids started expressing their boredom with the same old songs over and over again in the car, I assigned my youngest son (a young teen) a favorite--Tenth Avenue Freeze-Out.

What does this mean?  Well, every time he is grumpy or needs to get pumped up for a swim meet, I'll say, "You just need to hear your favorite song, don't you?"  And I'll put it on...and make him involuntarily smile.  Or...when it comes on randomly when the kids are in the car with me I'll say, "Oh...it's your favorite song!" And then I will turn it up.  It is one of our little jokes.

One day I took my oldest daughter shopping and actually heard her humming the song.  Ha, ha!  Success!!

Well, this morning my husband's alarm went off at it's normal 5:00 time. The song playing on his clock radio?  You guessed it, "Tenth Avenue Freeze-Out".

Coincidence, you say?  Hmmm....when was the last time you heard this song on the radio.  To be honest, I don't remember ever hearing this song on the radio.  Ever.  It was a live version (not the same version I have) of a song that came out in 1975.  Although most people have heard of the song, "Born to Run" (the title track of this album), not nearly as many know this song.

But, it woke me up this morning on Day 1.

Encouragement from God.  What a blessing!