A Musical Journey

Within the first four days of eating a normal amount of calories I gained 10 pounds! However, I'm glad to say that my body has now adjusted.

And on each of last two mornings I have been able to work out for a full 60 minutes. I'm definitely getting stronger and healthier. This only makes me hurt even more for those who will never experience the health and strength that we so take for granted.

This morning, the morning after a very divisive election, I went on a bit of musical and spiritual journey for the last 20 minutes of that workout. As I chose songs from my playlist, I found that each one gave me insights to God's truth.

Come along with me. Experience the journey for yourself.

The first song I listened to was "Trendy". This song always makes me think of my son because he introduced it to me many years ago.  It's all about our need to fit in.  

Be different!  Political parties have taken advantage of our desires to "belong".

Song number two original came from the move "Footloose" but the version I listened to this morning came from the movie "Shrek 2".

Up where the mountains meet the heavens above,
Out where the lightning splits the sea,
I could swear that there's someone somewhere watching me.

Through the wind and the chill and the rain
And the storm and the flood,
I can feel his approach like the fire in my blood.

We certainly do need a hero...but we aren't going to find him in any presidential election. Take heart. He is approaching.

The third song really got my attention. Although I've known this song for decades and even sing along with it, I had never thought much about the words.

Crazy, but that's how it goes--
millions of people living as foes.
Maybe it's not too late to learn how to love and forget how to hate.

I've listened to preachers,
I've listened to fools,
I've watched all the dropouts who make their own rules.
One person conditioned to rule and control...
the media sells it and you live the role.

Next time you hear that song before a sporting event, remember the message behind it: Man-made leaders will let us down. You cannot put your faith in any man/woman. But...maybe it's not to late to learn how to love and forget how to hate.

(By the way, I'm a firm believer that you need to listen to preachers, fools, dropouts, experts, failures, scientific geniuses, atheists, etc. That doesn't mean that you believe them all. But it certainly exercises your ability to discern the truth.)

Finally, an Aerosmith tune. Alright, alright...it was first recorded by a few British guys, but they are not included on MY iPod. :)

The lyrics of this song are about the members of that famous British band...and are extremely bizarre. The line that everyone remembers and can sing along is:

Come together right now over me.

But I can pull out some other lines from the song that also make me think of Jesus Christ:

He says, "I know you, you know me. 
One thing I can tell you is you got to be free."

Jesus Christ bought our freedom. All you have to do is know him...he already knows you.

He says, "One and one and one is three."

He only spoke the truth...the absolute truth that so many still today refuse to see.  And there IS absolute truth.

The only way we will ever come together is over God...Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

Lost and Found

No time to blog last night. I was busy having a nervous breakdown about my Greek class. I'm quite certain that the grade for the quiz I took last night will be disappointing. Afterwards the only thing I was up to doing was sleeping...and even that didn't come easy.

After work today I went to get my hair cut along with my kids. The little gal that does our hair has been a supporter of this project and I always look forward to seeing her.

Today I realized as we talked that she didn't know how Bruce Springsteen became part of my story...which made me realized that you probably don't know either!

Well, before I explain, take a look at this. It's a blog post I wrote in January of 2009 that will introduce you to the beginning of this little journey.

No peeking ahead!  If you haven't read it yet, stop now and click the link above and read it before you go on!

There are so many details that I can't explain in this short blog, but I have come to associate the loss of my spiritual life with the loss of this magazine...and the return of my spiritual life with the return of it.  No, I'm not blaming the person who stole it, I believe this was God's will and God's timing.

I don't believe that the magazine itself had anything to do with my relationship with Christ. And I certainly don't worship Bruce Springsteen. But I do believe that God knew it would get my attention.

Several events were triggered by this one act of redemption...the reading of my first book on Christian apologetics, followed by a hunger for more, followed by a conversion of sorts that resulted in a renewal of my soul that could only come from the Holy Spirit.

Yes, I believe that God talks to me through Bruce...without that man even knowing it.  And I love that!

How is God trying to reach you?  Because He is trying to reach you.

I Got To...

I got to preach this morning.

I can't tell you what an honor it is to be used in this way...to have the privilege of sharing the Word of God with others. It's a strange thing. On each of the three opportunities that I've had to preach, I have felt a tremendous amount of "heaviness" prior to Sunday morning. Particularly on Saturday.

It's not heaviness like the pressure I've felt to score well on an exam or to perform well on a speech, but a mental and spiritual heaviness that reminds me of the weightiness of God's message for each of us.

Although I pray through the whole process asking the Holy Spirit to provide me with the message, guide my words, and guide the hearts of the listeners, I understand (and take very seriously) the warning given by James to those who would answer to the call to be teachers of God's Word.

I also got to visit a few of our members in the hospital on Friday.  What a privilege to enter into a private place of healing and pray with someone who needs God's healing, comfort, and strength.  Some of my favorite conversations with fellow brothers and sisters have taken place in that sterile environment in the presence of God.  (Where two or more are gathered...)

I got to visit with young college students about Christ this past week.

I got to serve Holy Communion last Sunday while several of our members said those familiar phrases, (Christ's body/blood broke/shed for you.) in their home languages--seven different languages!

I got to help setup our recently renovated fellowship hall for the upcoming auction to benefit our missionary to Honduras while visiting with the other volunteers and occasionally picking up my friend's little girl who happens to like me...and honors me by wanting my attention.

I got to grow in grace as I experienced hunger for another week and gained new insights into this suffering.

Serving my God is not a chore, it's a privilege.

I am so grateful that I get to do it.

Only When Necessary

I knew it was going to be a good day when Bruce woke me at 5:00 with "Glory Days" followed by my oldest daughter knocking on the door to get me up to go work out.  Exercise always makes the day go better.

I felt good today...strong even.

That's saying something when you realize that I made caramel apples with the kids after school! Sometimes things like that are enough to put me over the edge.

I've been working on my sermon for Sunday.  It's on the biblical concept that we are all called to be in ministry.

That doesn't mean that you are expected to run out and quit your job and start going to seminary.  But, no matter what your job is, you should be serving others on a regular basis using your gifts, abilities,  passions, and prior experiences.

Although many people do this by serving in their churches, they are missing the boat if they are not also serving outside of their churches.

Most people immediately equate this with "volunteering". And volunteering is a wonderful way to be in service to others. But you can also be in ministry by raising your children to know and love God, having a conversation with your neighbor in which the Holy Spirit prompts you to share the Gospel, or even writing a blog.  :)

Each of us should have a personal ministry where we intentionally reach out to others based on our specific and unique set of gifts. This isn't always through our words, but through our actions. In fact, Francis of Assisi is famously quoted as saying:

Keep in mind that God created you with inborn gifts and talents, blessed you with others who helped you develop specific abilities, and guided you through the experiences in your life that have led you to this point right now. You are the only person in the world who is that specific combination that defines who you are.

And God has a specific plan that involves YOU. You are the only person who can reach certain other people in this world. If you are a Christian, the Holy Spirit is calling you to your task.

Are you listening?

Even more importantly...

are you answering?

Clean Water, Living Water

My posts have focused mostly on the hunger that is faced by those who live in areas that do not have access to food.  But it is important to realize that they also often don't have access to clean water.

I've mentioned before that I know my project doesn't duplicate the situation of those who are suffering due to starvation, because they are also living in conditions that we, as Americans, cannot fathom.

We take clean water for granted.  It is always there...to drink, to wash, to even flush away our waste.  In fact, bottled water (often packaged out of a tap in some unknown city) is big business here.  Apparently our clean water is not always clean enough for us (myself included).

A few years ago during Advent, my church decided to spend some of their Christmas shopping money on gifts that would make a difference in the lives of others.  We purchased two wells.

Well, they were not wells at that time.  But we paid to have wells dug so that people in two communities in Peru would finally have access to clean drinking water.

Can you imagine being that excited about water?

The organization is Living Water International.  According to their website, they can provide one person with clean water for a year for $.98...about the price of one cold bottled water at your nearest convenience store.

Their current promotion is called "With this Ring".  This started with a woman who sold her wedding ring because she felt that it was ridiculous to have that much money on her finger when she could be doing something to make a difference with it.  Awesome.

On this website, you can sell your extra jewelry (or even your precious jewelry) or you can purchase some of the donated jewelry.  All proceeds go to new wells.

Your gold and silver are corroded. 
Their corrosion will testify against you 
and eat your flesh like fire. 
You have hoarded wealth in the last days.
--James 5:3

What Does a Packaging Event Look Like?

It was time to go and have some blood drawn again.  I'm anxious to see how the numbers look.

I'm feeling a little guilty for not going to the gym tonight since I have time, but I'm tired.  Maybe getting to bed earlier would help.  With so much reading to do, going to bed now and reading for a while before falling asleep sounds like a good plan.

I wanted to share with you a video that shows a packaging event.  If you would like to participate in one in Salina, Kansas, once the project ends, complete the form (link on right) and let me know.

The food packaged here went to Kenya but this is only one location of many that need it.  In the past, food has been sent all over the world.  For more information, go to www.numanainc.com.

In order to make this happen, $23,000 needs to be raised in the next 10 months.  That's 100,000 meals at $.23 per meal.  Please consider making a pledge to help meet this goal.

Everything is Meaningless

Sometimes you have those days when you realize just how short life really is.  You realize that you can take nothing for granted.  It makes you reflect on your own life and deal with the fact that you only have a short time here.  Are you really accomplishing what you intended to accomplish?

I know that I don't want to look back on my own life with regrets.

One of my very favorite books in the Bible is Ecclesiastes.  Sit down and read the first chapter.  It hardly seems like it would be anyone's favorite!

As you read it (and I recommend you do!) you should know that the author who uses the pseudonym, Qohelet, is believed by the vast majority of theologians to be Solomon.

What do you know about Solomon?  Well, let me tell you a few things.  He is believed to be the richest and wisest man to ever walk the earth.  He had it all--fame, intelligence, riches, possessions, and even women.  He wrote many of the Proverbs and Psalms.  As the son of David, he inherited a kingdom and was part of the lineage of Jesus Christ.

And yet...he wrote Ecclesiastes.  In it he tells us that everything is meaningless--wisdom, pleasures, working, advancement, riches, possessions...everything.

Ponder chapter 9, verses 11-12:

I have seen something else under the sun: 

The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, 

nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant 

or favor to the learned; 

but time and chance happen to them all. 

Moreover, no one knows when their hour will come: 

As fish are caught in a cruel net, 

or birds are taken in a snare, 

so people are trapped by evil times 

that fall unexpectedly upon them.

Don't take a single day for granted.  Don't look for happiness in those things that are meaningless.

My friend that had the stroke yesterday will be recovering for months.  The "clot blocker" injection did not work, nor did the angioplasty.  The damage is permanent and severe.  The clot is still there.  There are so many unanswered questions that can only be answered through additional tests and the passage of time.

Before the stroke yesterday she sent me an email--excited that I agreed to be the presenter at her United Methodist Women's Circle meeting next month.  She was so vibrant, active, loving, and encouraging.  In fact, she was sitting and holding her beautiful 2-month old grand-baby when the bomb dropped.

Meaningless.

But her life has not been meaningless.  As a mother, grandmother, educator, and Christian she has made lasting, meaningful differences in the lives of many...including my own.  You see, it is not meaningless to invest in other lives.

And I pray that she is granted the opportunities to continue to do so.

You Are All One

Ugh.  I'm so hungry tonight. 

I walked around the mall with my daughter this evening looking for homecoming shoes with my stomach growling. 

At dinner tonight my family was asking me what I want to eat for my first meal at the end of this project.  I don't even know.  How can I narrow it down to one food or even one meal?  Honestly, hot fresh bread and butter sounds good.

It's been an emotional few days.  Since Sunday I have had people each day call, email, or come see me to tell me how much my message during worship meant to them.  I can't explain how humbling that is.

This afternoon one of the older men of my congregation told me that a group of men meet every afternoon at McDonalds...and that they were "inspired" by the words that God gave me to share.  Wow. 

With my personal struggle of being a woman in ministry and wrestling with the Bible's words on this matter, the support and encouragement of older Christian men is huge.

Another older man from my congregation called tonight to offer similar words of encouragement.  He made it clear that his feelings were not just his...but that his friends had expressed the same.  And then he asked me to teach his Sunday School class one day next month.  (How could I say no?)

After each of these encounters today, I cried.  I just can't express how it feels to know that God is using me to reach others.  These people weren't moved by MY words, they were moved by the Holy Spirit. 

This encouragement might have come through man but it is proof to me that God has blessed my ministry and will use me to further His Kingdom.

I am grateful.

In the News

The hunger is back.  I had more of a battle with it mentally and emotionally today than I have had lately.

I haven't remembered to share this in the last few day, but Numana was in the news recently!  The story starts at 2:14.  Check it out...

I did go work out tonight...and felt pretty good through it.  I think I really needed this today.

Although it was a day full of affirmations with several kind words from others about the message I delivered during the church service yesterday, it was one of those days that I just didn't feel God near.

But our faith isn't based on feelings, is it.

Remember that just because you sometimes feel that God seems far away, doesn't mean that He is.  We just need to remember to reach out in prayer.  He's there...around you, near you, in you.

Prayer is important.

Point Blank

Another day that neither "head hunger" nor "heart hunger" dictated by thoughts and emotions.  Yay!  I hope this keeps up!

I met with my ministry mentor today.  It had been a while since we had been able to get together so it was absolutely wonderful to spend a couple of hours with her.  One of the first things I did was introduce her to my project...and I was thrilled that she offered me encouragement and support.  (Even though she was munching on an Elephant Ear and drinking coffee as she did so.)

But I also needed to talk with her about some issues in my journey into ministry that have been discouraging. Nobody said that this road would be an easy one, but I am always hurt and surprised when a roadblock comes up and disrupts my plan.  Then I remember that it's not my plan that's important.

So today, after my mentor listened to me throw a little pity party and beat myself up about an issue for a while, she told me a story of her own.

When she was fairly new in ministry, she was asked to attend a weekend retreat that she really did not want to attend.  It was an emotional event for many people and she found herself thinking, "Why am I here?  I don't want to be here!  This weekend is going to last forever."

At one point in the weekend, she was in conversation with one of the meeting facilitators.  And she was doing just what I was doing earlier today--beating herself up about an issue.  The response she got floored her.

Point blank, the facilitator (another pastor) said to her, "Who in the hell do you think you are that Jesus Christ dying on the cross was not good enough to cover your sins?"

It was like getting hit in the face with a brick wall for my mentor.  And it changed her life.

I got the point.  And I hope that you also take it to heart.

Beating yourself up about your faults is pure vanity if you are a Christian.  You've been forgiven.  You have no right to withhold forgiveness from yourself knowing that Jesus Christ suffered to give you the gift of forgiveness.

Who in the hell do you think you are?

Busyness

No time to be hungry again today.  I think that's a good thing.

Right now I'm studying Greek to take my first test.  And listening to lectures.  And reading...and reading some more.

Plus I'm preparing a sermon for two services on Sunday.

And, I'm meeting my mentor tomorrow out of town.

Not to mention that my youngest kids were home today because of parent/teacher conferences.

Groceries need bought.  Bills need paid.

Blogs need written.

Momma needs sleep.

We all recognize idleness as a danger, but we should also recognize that busyness can also be dangerous.

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” 

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”  --Luke 10:38-42

Take time to sit at Jesus' feet every single day.  (Note to self:  Even if that means getting up earlier.)

Sabbath

Today was my first time to intentionally practice a Sabbath.

I slept in and spent my day relaxing--doing the things I enjoy doing (mostly in my PJs).  I wrote, visited with friends through facebook, prayed, thought about everything and nothing, read, played the guitar, and listed to music.  What a great day.

This is something I've intended to practice regularly for a long time.  It's tough when you are raising a family to set aside time to relax and rejuvenate.  However, that is what God intended for us to do.  I would also say that it doesn't have to be on Sunday.  In fact, mine won't.  Sundays are just too busy at our house.  Instead, we will choose Saturday.

I encourage you to pick a day and give it a try.  Be careful not get legalistic about it though.  God never intended it to be a hassle, but a blessing.

Food was absolutely a non-issue today.  I ate my serving of Numana at about 3:30 and was satisfied.

One of the songs I played today was "The Ghost of Tom Joad".  Yes, another Springsteen song.  :)  As I played and sang, the words got to me.  They certainly tie in with my project.

This version includes a musician and singer from the band "Rage Against the Machine".  They remade the song a few years back.  It's a neat version of the song--and to be honest, I like a bit of screamin' guitar now and then.  Enjoy!

Nobody's kiddin' nobody about where it goes...

Follow Me

This was the first day I had a hard time keeping my britches up.  With another week and a half away from home, I may find myself doing some creative finagling with my clothes.  I am kind of scared to step on the scale when I get there.  After all, my stored energy needs to last a long time.  (Shamefully, I have had more than my share in the ol' storage shed.)

I have an internal debate going on about exercise.  It seems to me that it would be important to maintain muscle tone and aerobic activity to combat the fatigue.  I've been exercising and it feels good, but I'm aware that this is causing my body to burn the calories faster.  Should I just do weight training 2-3 days a week instead?  I guess I need to do some research.

Another issue that I haven't mentioned up until this point is heartburn.  This has been a surprising annoyance. But it has allowed me to enjoy my one "treat"--Tums.  (I still take medications, as needed.)  So why would I have heartburn when I only eat 1/2 cup of bland food at time?  Is this another sign that my body is getting getting rid of toxins?  Is this just part of the adjustment process?

It appears that I am coming to you with way more questions than answers this evening.

And that's okay.  We don't always need to know exactly what we're getting into before we jump in...before we're in the thick of it.  

I know twelve guys who were called to "Follow me."  Who just jumped right in.  And who helped change the world.

Was it always the best decision for their families?  Their careers?  Their health?  I think that many could make a good argument that it was not...especially when considering that each of them suffered an early and unpleasant demise. 

But I would hazard a guess that each of them would make that choice all over again.

I'm not saying they had no regrets.  Men from this group struggled with their pride in front of Christ, denied him, questioned him, disappointing him, abandoned him...and one even betrayed him.

Yes, even those chosen twelve made mistakes.  Even those chosen twelve needed grace.

Do not let your fears, your questions, keep you from following.

Oh, the Smells!

I was dreading spending the weekend in a dorm room without enough to keep me busy.  When I discovered that Nashville, TN is only 215 miles from Asbury along with the fact that Keith Urban was playing the Grand Ole Opry this week, I decided to make a road trip.  One of my classmates offered to come along, too!

We went straight downtown when we arrived--taking in the sights, sounds, and smells of the touristy Broadway area of Nashville.  It seems that my sense of smell has gone into overdrive.  I notice every little smell and find myself seeking to "place" it.

The fresh cut grass, the cinnamon pretzels at Auntie Anne's, a variety of Chinese foods, burgers at the Hard Rock Cafe, and the kettle-cooked popcorn outside of the Opry building.  It was a never-ending assault on my nose.

Actually, what I found is that I very much enjoy those wonderful smells.  It didn't make me feel like I was missing something, instead it made me feel that I was getting to enjoy it in another way.

After a full, busy, exciting day yesterday, we enjoyed sleeping in and catching the 11:00 service at Freedom Church.  It was an inspiring and Spirit-filled worship service.  What a welcoming group of fellow Christians!

A quick stop at the Sonic afterwards allowed my friend to grab a wonderfully-smelling burger combo meal with fries while I was tickled to get my Route 44 water (because Sonic ice is simply delightful).  I was pleasantly surprised to even catch the sweet/sour scent of her Lemonberry slush.

Once I got back to my room and settled in to reflect on the weekend, what I realized was that I really didn't miss food over the last two days.  I was engaged in life and enjoying the gifts that God did provide for me without wishing for more.

I think that's a breakthrough.

Obstacles...Seen and Unseen

I'm not a morning person.  Yet, here I am up early again this morning.  Why?  Bruce woke me up again.  This morning's 5am alarm was Springsteen's angry anthem, "Born in the USA".  Wow.

My biggest fear yesterday was that I would unconsciously pop something in my mouth without thinking.  I didn't.  I carried a water bottle with me most of the day.

When I came home after work, our "I am Second" bracelets were waiting for me.  The kids are wearing them, also.  My family's support is crucial to my success.  I know I am blessed in that area.

Then I took the kids to get haircuts.  On the way, I noticed that my elbow was bothering me.  Upon closer inspection, I realized that something had bit me--something with fangs.  These fang holes are a good 2mm apart, and there are two sets.  By the time we got to the hair stylist's, a large red feverish 2-inch circle enclosed them.

Great.

There have been articles in papers all over Kansas about the large number of spiders this year--in particular, Brown Recluse.  That may sound a bit paranoid; however, my husband has found several both at work and in our home even though our home has been sprayed specifically for spiders.

As I looked over this big red welt, my mind wasn't thinking as much about the type of spider that bit me as it was thinking about spiritual warfare.  Now, I don't know that Satan is responsible for my spider bites.  However, I do know that it is possible.  Why now?  Because I'm trying to make an impact on others.

Angels and demons?  Don't be ridiculous.

It is so hard to believe in those things we can't see.  Yet we are told over and over again in the Bible that they are real.  In fact, we are made up of body, spirit, and soul.  If you have a spirit, why is it so hard to believe that there are other spirits?  We know so very little about our world...our reality.  Yet, we think we know so much.

Let me ask you, if I professed to be a Christian but didn't live my life for Christ and rested in the false security that going to church each Sunday was somehow equivalent to faith--would Satan mess with me?  No need.  He would already have me.  It's those who live their faith that must fight this spiritual battle on a regular basis.  

So, if you were Satan (Remember, he is NOT God's equal.  He is not omniscient, omnipotent, or omnipresent.) with limited resources and abilities, who would you target for temptation and destruction?

I believe that those who must be the most on guard are those who are reaching out.  My piddly efforts may be bigger than some, but they don't compare to many, many others.  Billy Graham describes it as "living in a perpetual battlefield." (Angels, 1995)

In his letter to the people of Ephesus, the Apostle Paul says, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood,but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." (Ephesians 6:12, NIV)

The spider bites look better this morning.  All is well.  But I do feel like I've received fair warning to be on the lookout.

This journey is not going to be easy.