Simply the Title Page

Sometimes the words just don't come.

As I sit here tonight trying to come up with some words to share with you, I find that I'm struggling with the fact that the intensive part of this project is ending in a rather non-climactic way.

(Interesting side note:  The song that woke me up on the first day of this project, woke me up again today.  I'm very curious about what it will be tomorrow on the last day.)

Going into this I had high hopes to raise awareness and make a difference. Even though I'm not seeing the "fruit" of this project, I know that I planted some seeds. I pray that some of them landed in some fertile soil.

As for me, this experience has affected me in many ways.

For example, (and this was completely unexpected) I find that I am disgusted by the waste and excess in our culture. I am particularly offended by shameless boasting about that abundance. There are so many unmet needs out there in the world.

How do we reconcile that in our own minds? I can't.  How will we reconcile that with God? Well, God, I just really, really wanted that $75,000 car and $500,000 house...and knew you would understand that my wants should come before the needs of others.

Really? Will He?

Take a look at Matthew 19:16-26:

Just then a man came up to Jesus and asked, “Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?”

“Why do you ask me about what is good?”Jesus replied. “There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, keep the commandments.”  (Here Jesus is pointing out to the young man that he doesn't even understand what "good" is! The whole Old Testament proved to us that nobody can be "good" enough.  We are all sinners...even the very best of us fall way short.)

“Which ones?” he inquired.

Jesus replied,“‘You shall not murder, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony, honor your father and mother,’ and ‘love your neighbor as yourself.’ 

“All these I have kept,” the young man said. “What do I still lack?” (Ha! This young man thinks pretty highly of himself!)

Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”  (Oof!)

When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth. 

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Truly I tell you, it is hard for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.” 

When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astonished and asked, “Who then can be saved?” Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

Notice that Jesus points out that it is impossible for a rich man to save himself...however, he also makes it clear that "with God all things are possible".  Yes, all Christians have been blessed by the gift of grace...even the rich ones.

However, if you have treasure here, it will still be right here when you are gone. But, if you give it away now, you will have treasure in heaven.

As Christians, shouldn't we be blessing others with our gifts?

Yes. Sacrificially.

Our time here is short...simply the title page of the book. All of your treasure is worthless as of page 2 if you don't use what was entrusted to you to help others.

Get it? Got it. Good!

It was a nice, lazy day for my kids today while the teachers were in training. I think they thoroughly enjoyed it...and I'm pretty sure they all got a nap in.

I also took a nap today. Late nights and early mornings can only continue for so long.  We all need an earlier bedtime to be honest.

It was another good day regarding food.  Hunger did not dictate my mood at all.  Yay!

While at work this morning, I found out that my youngest daughter stepped forward last night at a big youth event to give her life to Christ.

Some people might question that. But she was baptized as a baby? Didn't she go through confirmation classes just a few years ago? Why would she feel the need to do that when she's already professed to be a Christian?

Well...sometimes it takes a while before we truly get it.

I will never forget the morning I was sitting in an adult Sunday School class in the small town in which we lived for a decade.  I think there were probably about 8 other people (average age of 65) and me.

The leader of the class that morning was talking about grace...and how we are saved by this wonderful, but free, gift from God.

And I got it.

In fact, I about came out of my chair.  "You mean, we aren't saved by our actions?!  God just gives us salvation as a free gift?!"  I asked those questions multiple times in multiple ways while everyone else at the table nodded their heads.  I was blown away.

How old was I? At least 30. What? Was this the first time you ever attended a church? No. I was raised in a church where I'm quite sure they explained this multiple times...but I never got it.

The same could be said for my call to ministry.  When God opened my heart and mind to His Truths, I was hooked.  In fact, over the last few years my life has changed in ways that have been simultaneously terrifying and exhilarating as I have worked to answer His call on my life.  But the lives of my husband and children have also necessarily changed as they have fully supported this journey...even through the required sacrifices.

And they have sacrificed.

Why does this happen? Well, I have a theory. I think that God reveals things to us in His time and not necessarily in our time.  Even when exposed, if God is not ready for us to develop an understanding, I believe that He blinds our eyes or hardens our hearts until the timing will be perfect.  His timing.

Better late than never, right? So, it took my baby girl a little longer to get it.

I'm just glad she did!

Follow Me

This was the first day I had a hard time keeping my britches up.  With another week and a half away from home, I may find myself doing some creative finagling with my clothes.  I am kind of scared to step on the scale when I get there.  After all, my stored energy needs to last a long time.  (Shamefully, I have had more than my share in the ol' storage shed.)

I have an internal debate going on about exercise.  It seems to me that it would be important to maintain muscle tone and aerobic activity to combat the fatigue.  I've been exercising and it feels good, but I'm aware that this is causing my body to burn the calories faster.  Should I just do weight training 2-3 days a week instead?  I guess I need to do some research.

Another issue that I haven't mentioned up until this point is heartburn.  This has been a surprising annoyance. But it has allowed me to enjoy my one "treat"--Tums.  (I still take medications, as needed.)  So why would I have heartburn when I only eat 1/2 cup of bland food at time?  Is this another sign that my body is getting getting rid of toxins?  Is this just part of the adjustment process?

It appears that I am coming to you with way more questions than answers this evening.

And that's okay.  We don't always need to know exactly what we're getting into before we jump in...before we're in the thick of it.  

I know twelve guys who were called to "Follow me."  Who just jumped right in.  And who helped change the world.

Was it always the best decision for their families?  Their careers?  Their health?  I think that many could make a good argument that it was not...especially when considering that each of them suffered an early and unpleasant demise. 

But I would hazard a guess that each of them would make that choice all over again.

I'm not saying they had no regrets.  Men from this group struggled with their pride in front of Christ, denied him, questioned him, disappointing him, abandoned him...and one even betrayed him.

Yes, even those chosen twelve made mistakes.  Even those chosen twelve needed grace.

Do not let your fears, your questions, keep you from following.

Final Countdown

I'll admit it.  I'm scared.

I know what I'm like when I'm hungry and it's not pretty.  Thankfully, I'll be leaving for 3 weeks of seminary on day 6 of this journey.  I hope that this will provide the adjustment time I need so that I'm not grouchy with my family when I get back.

On the up-side, I don't have to worry about spending lots of money buying expensive meals while I'm gone.  Right?

In preparation, one thing I've done is cut back my Diet Dr. Pepper intake so that I'm completely caffeine-free prior to Wednesday.  I decided the last thing I needed were caffeine withdrawals along with the hunger.

Another thing I've done is preparation is order my "I am Second" wristband.  Besides being a project that I've followed and appreciated for years, that black band will serve as my reminder that I am fortunate enough to GET to eat the Numana once each day.  I will try to look at this food as a precious gift rather than a sacrifice.  I want to get these things in the right perspective.  As I mentioned in my first blog post, this band represents life--grace!  Grace given to only some chosen ones.

I'm excited about this journey and the insight I will gain through the suffering.  But I am terrified.  Terrified that I can't do it.  Terrified that I won't handle hunger well emotionally. Terrified that physically I won't feel well while away from my family.

Please consider making a donation to Numana based on my perseverance.  For example, "I'll give $2 for each month that you can do it!"  This will encourage me to keep it up while also providing a nice donation to Numana at the end of this project (July 31, 2013) to help them continue their battle against hunger.  It's an honor system, drop me a message or leave a comment with your name and pledge.

And please remember to pray--for me, but even more so, for those who don't choose to live like this.