A Prayer for Strength

Yesterday was hard.  I don't know why some days are harder than others, but some are.

When I was brushing my teeth, I noticed my tongue was coated.  Gross.  I was tired.  I was hungry.  A trip to the grocery store for ingredients for a breakfast casserole for my class the next morning just about did me in.  

What's up with the coated tongue?  Well, I looked it up.  Apparently my body is ridding itself of toxins.  (Hmmm....this might take a while.)  It will clear up on it's own one day soon (when the toxins are all gone) and be a beautiful, healthy, new shade of pink.  At that point, according to the doctor's post that I was reading, my hunger will return.  

It will return?  It never really left!!

I felt sorry for myself.  I fantasized about Tucsons' fresh bread, salad, steak, grilled veggies...and dessert.  I told myself that God is not legalistic.  He's not holding me to this challenge.  It's okay to quit.  

And it is okay to quit.  And one day in the next 355 days I may just do that.

But I realize now that I was focusing on the wrong things.  My focus was on me--my pain, my hunger, my wants, my satisfaction.  

That was never the intent of this project.  It's time to redirect.  

My focus is two-fold really.  Hunger is the public focus.  How can I bring attention to it and help do something about it?  (For my friends and family who see me regularly, this is a very tangible way to develop an understanding of hunger.)

But the second, and more private, focus is on my relationship with God.  This private aspect of the project is the reason you don't see my name associated with it.  It's personal.  This experience and struggle is opening up space within me that was previously consumed with my own abuse of food.  It's opening up space for God to work.  

Father, teach me through this experience.  Give me strength and courage.  I pray that you will sustain me through this time and nourish me in many, many ways.  I pray Your blessing on all companies such as Numana who are fighting the battle with world hunger through providing food and spreading awareness.  Finally, Lord, be with all of those throughout the wold, including those right here in the U.S., who don't have enough food, who don't have food choices, and who don't have clean water to drink.  I pray that each of them will find You so that one day they will enjoy feasts in Your Kingdom.  Amen.

Chapel...with Dumplings

There was no class yesterday.  Instead we had time to study, take our first test, and write our first paper.  It was a relaxing day.

At 11:30 I attended chapel services.  As you may have guessed, the message involved food.  

The speaker was from Singapore.  With his father-in-law suffering from cancer, his wife recently went home for a two month stay to help care for him.  This week he decided he was going to cook Chinese dumplings.

His wife often told him that she didn't like to make dumplings because it was tedious.  His response was, "No problem.  The kids and I will help you wrap them."  Once the filling was made, each dumpling had to be hand-wrapped in dough.  

What he found, however, when he was on his own making the dumplings, was that the wrapping was the easy part!  It was the tediousness of cleaning and chopping and mixing the vegetables that made preparing dumplings so difficult.  

He never knew.  His wife never told him.  What a surprise to find that his offer to help was not nearly as helpful as he thought it was.  

We just don't get what someone else is going through until we walk in her shoes.

The Eucharist

Apparently my body is adjusting, because day 7 was much easier.  I have a feeling that I will have many ups and downs throughout the year.

I've worried about my lack of energy and decided that I need to continue to exercise throughout this year--even though I know that will use precious calories.  But on each of the last two evenings I put in 45 minutes on the elliptical without feeling I was pushing it.  The Olympic coverage helps!

During the noon hour on campus, the Eucharist is available daily.  The word "Eucharist" is taken from the original Greek word (εὐχαριστία),  used in the New Testament (1 Corinthians 11:23-24).  It's the verb that tells us He "gave thanks" after breaking the bread.  I actually prefer to call this sacrament, "Holy Communion".  Our God is a God of relationship.  Through the "Lord's Supper" we are reminded that He calls us to be in relationship with Him and each other.  No one name can encompass the depth of this one spiritual act.

This sacrament was especially meaningful to me today.  With my belly so empty, there was something very special about accepting Christ's body and blood into my own body.  That sounds kind of weird, I know.  And, honestly, I really can't explain it.  But knowing that the only nourishment to my body in an 18-hour period was the bread and juice of the Eucharist, also nourished my soul.

Don't get me wrong, each time I participate in Holy Communion I am moved.  But this was different.

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13, NASB)

Momentary Pleasures

It's been a busy couple of days.  Over the weekend I prepared to leave my family for three weeks while I attend some summer intensive sessions at Asbury Theological Seminary.  My folks and some of my sisters came to see us before my trip.  As you can imagine, there was lots of good food.  In fact, my daughter-in-law made my favorite muffins--banana nut with cream cheese and chocolate chip filling.

It was hard for me, of course, but even harder since I really didn't want to tell my parents and my sisters about the project.  I knew they would worry--especially with a 12-13 hour drive in front of me.  When asked, I just told them I was on a special diet for a while.  Which is true.

In my class this morning we talked about the fact that as humans we are sinful, yet our natural/healthy state is not sinful.  It is a constant battle.  I can see this in my project.

I love food.  I am guilty of over-indulging in the pleasures of food on a regular basis.  This is a constant battle for me.  One of the things I'm learning through this exercise is that I have (and probably many, if not most Americans are in the same boat) used food for the pleasure of it rather than for the necessity of it.  I don't provide my body with the fuel it needs to run at peak performance.  Instead, I provide my body with the flavors and textures that my mouth and brain enjoy.

In fact, how many people do you know who will say things like, "I just don't eat vegetables.  I don't like them."  That person is certainly taking food for granted.  I'm not condemning them...I get it!

When I think about those who are starving...
when I think about those whose meal each day is a donation from a company such as Numana...
when I find myself eating my own portion of food nowadays...
the variety of foods that we have available to us on a daily basis seems like an amazing extravagance.

Over a year's time will I forget how different things taste?  Will my stomach revolt when I try my first cheeseburger and fries in a year?  Will I want a cheeseburger and fries in a year?!

In some ways, each day has gotten more difficult.  In other ways, I realize that those tastes are momentary pleasures that should not matter as much as they seem to in my mind.  For example, when I said "no" to the donut this morning, I knew that I wouldn't later think, "Man, I really wish I had eaten that donut!"

Can you imagine life without those momentary pleasures?  Some people ONLY know life without them.

I'm fortunate that this is just for one year.

When you sit down for dinner tonight, remember that you, too, are fortunate.

Entrusted

I had never tasted the Numana meals prior to starting this project.  I knew it would be bland.  And honestly, I thought it might freak me out a little.

Of course, August 1 was our first night to prepare it.  I decided to eat my meal as my family eats their main meal together since this is usually important family time.  As my husband prepared it along side the spaghetti, green beans, and garlic bread he was making for the rest of the family we chuckled a little.

It wasn't bad.  I guess I should let you know the basic contents--rice, soy flour, salt, beans, sweet dairy whey, corn protein, soybean oil, chicken flavoring, turmeric, onion powder, and some preservatives.

The package makes about six cups...six servings.  I scooped out a cup and smelled their delicious meal while I ate it.  No problem.

The second night was a little tougher.

Grilled juicy burgers with melted cheese and pan-fried tater tots were on the menu.  My meal was leftover in a plastic container in the fridge then microwaved right before eating.  It was a bit harder to swallow.

I miss eating.  I miss different flavors.

We needed milk yesterday so I had to make a run to the store.  It was not pleasant.  We have so many options...so many fresh fruits and vegetables.  We can afford to say, "I'm not hungry for that." and then find something else to eat.

I dreamt last night that I was frosting cookies.  Without thinking, I dipped my finger in the sugary goodness and put it in my mouth.  It makes me wonder how often I will dream about different foods over the next year.  If I can eat them in my dreams, maybe I won't miss them so much in my reality.

Can you imagine a world without grocery stores?  Without a variety of fresh produce?  Without an abundance of meat and bread?  I know many think I'm making a huge sacrifice, but there are people who live their whole lives like this...and die hungry.

From everyone who is given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked. --Luke 12:48

We have been giving much.  And we have a responsibility.

Obstacles...Seen and Unseen

I'm not a morning person.  Yet, here I am up early again this morning.  Why?  Bruce woke me up again.  This morning's 5am alarm was Springsteen's angry anthem, "Born in the USA".  Wow.

My biggest fear yesterday was that I would unconsciously pop something in my mouth without thinking.  I didn't.  I carried a water bottle with me most of the day.

When I came home after work, our "I am Second" bracelets were waiting for me.  The kids are wearing them, also.  My family's support is crucial to my success.  I know I am blessed in that area.

Then I took the kids to get haircuts.  On the way, I noticed that my elbow was bothering me.  Upon closer inspection, I realized that something had bit me--something with fangs.  These fang holes are a good 2mm apart, and there are two sets.  By the time we got to the hair stylist's, a large red feverish 2-inch circle enclosed them.

Great.

There have been articles in papers all over Kansas about the large number of spiders this year--in particular, Brown Recluse.  That may sound a bit paranoid; however, my husband has found several both at work and in our home even though our home has been sprayed specifically for spiders.

As I looked over this big red welt, my mind wasn't thinking as much about the type of spider that bit me as it was thinking about spiritual warfare.  Now, I don't know that Satan is responsible for my spider bites.  However, I do know that it is possible.  Why now?  Because I'm trying to make an impact on others.

Angels and demons?  Don't be ridiculous.

It is so hard to believe in those things we can't see.  Yet we are told over and over again in the Bible that they are real.  In fact, we are made up of body, spirit, and soul.  If you have a spirit, why is it so hard to believe that there are other spirits?  We know so very little about our world...our reality.  Yet, we think we know so much.

Let me ask you, if I professed to be a Christian but didn't live my life for Christ and rested in the false security that going to church each Sunday was somehow equivalent to faith--would Satan mess with me?  No need.  He would already have me.  It's those who live their faith that must fight this spiritual battle on a regular basis.  

So, if you were Satan (Remember, he is NOT God's equal.  He is not omniscient, omnipotent, or omnipresent.) with limited resources and abilities, who would you target for temptation and destruction?

I believe that those who must be the most on guard are those who are reaching out.  My piddly efforts may be bigger than some, but they don't compare to many, many others.  Billy Graham describes it as "living in a perpetual battlefield." (Angels, 1995)

In his letter to the people of Ephesus, the Apostle Paul says, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood,but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." (Ephesians 6:12, NIV)

The spider bites look better this morning.  All is well.  But I do feel like I've received fair warning to be on the lookout.

This journey is not going to be easy.

The First Blessing

My family and I celebrated yesterday.  We celebrated some of my favorite food and the beginning of this project.  It was great to have a late family meal at one of our favorite restaurants while we visited and watched the Olympics.

Later in the evening I had my favorite treat--a Wild Cherry Mudslide from Spangles.  Mmmmm...   This is the closest thing I've found to the "Brown Derby" that was served at the local drive-in of my hometown when I was a kid. (If you are ever in the Wichita area, I recommend that you give it a try!)

It was a great evening with my family.

I also found out that I have my first donor.  One of my husband's colleagues at work pledged to donate $1 for each day that I am successful in abstaining from any food other than water and my daily portion of Numana.

Not only that, but he shared the project with his small group from his church and they are praying for the success of this project.  That is an amazing contribution for which I am very grateful!

I went to bed last night in a state of excitement and fear.  I've been surprised at the fear I have felt in the face of this challenge.  But, I slept well.

God talks to each of us in different ways.  Although this may sound a little bizarre to some of you, those who know me and have heard the story of my call to ministry know that God has used Bruce Springsteen throughout my life in some very...err...instrumental....ways.  That's a whole other (and fascinating) story.

With Bruce in concert this year, I've found myself listening quite often to some of his live recordings.  When my kids started expressing their boredom with the same old songs over and over again in the car, I assigned my youngest son (a young teen) a favorite--Tenth Avenue Freeze-Out.

What does this mean?  Well, every time he is grumpy or needs to get pumped up for a swim meet, I'll say, "You just need to hear your favorite song, don't you?"  And I'll put it on...and make him involuntarily smile.  Or...when it comes on randomly when the kids are in the car with me I'll say, "Oh...it's your favorite song!" And then I will turn it up.  It is one of our little jokes.

One day I took my oldest daughter shopping and actually heard her humming the song.  Ha, ha!  Success!!

Well, this morning my husband's alarm went off at it's normal 5:00 time. The song playing on his clock radio?  You guessed it, "Tenth Avenue Freeze-Out".

Coincidence, you say?  Hmmm....when was the last time you heard this song on the radio.  To be honest, I don't remember ever hearing this song on the radio.  Ever.  It was a live version (not the same version I have) of a song that came out in 1975.  Although most people have heard of the song, "Born to Run" (the title track of this album), not nearly as many know this song.

But, it woke me up this morning on Day 1.

Encouragement from God.  What a blessing!