I haven't really talked about some of the physical pain that has accompanied this project...but I first noticed it in those very first weeks when I was away at seminary.
When I sleep at night I don't toss and turn nearly as much as I did prior to the project starting. I have to wonder if this is due to my lack of energy. Instead, I sleep in one position until the pain of it wakes me up. That whole side will ache. Deeply. It feels like every joint is aching on that side in my arm, hip, and leg. When I roll over it slowly goes away.
That is until it starts up on the other side and wakes me up again. Usually I only wake one or two times in the night. But the longer I've been on that side, the more intense the pain.
I originally thought this was due to sleeping on a strange bed in the dorm, but it continued when I got home.
Of course, the quick and dramatic weight loss (even if you remove the lack of calories and nutrition factor) must have consequences for my joints and bones as they are having to adapt to a different frame.
In fact, I went clothes shopping today. My clothes were just hanging on me. I was wearing size 18w but the clothes I bought today were size 12. I made myself fold up the XXL and XL clothes that were hanging in the closet so that I would quit putting them on.
One cannot know me without noticing my weight loss. And many people have commented on it in the last couple of weeks. Although many of my friends follow and support this journey, most are unaware that I have taken on this project. It's been a very personal journey for me..even though it has a very public aspect to it.
So, I'll be sharing about this personal, short-term ministry next Sunday at church. I'm praying that there is enough interest in this community to hold a food packaging event in the spring. Your prayers are appreciated.
It's seems funny to me that many people just think I've been dieting. When I look in the mirror, I can see that this weight loss has not been a healthy thing. I don't look healthy. Yes, I look thinner...but the two are not synonymous.
What I see when I look in the mirror are sunken, sad eyes with dark rings. I see dry skin and lifeless hair. For the first time in my life, I see wrinkles. And I know that this project has physically, mentally, and emotionally aged me.
Earlier I was looking through pictures of extreme starvation. Sometimes it leaves me feeling intensely distraught. Tonight was one of those nights.
I had the strong desire to post one of those grisly pictures on the facebook page with the caption, "Just go on with your daily life. Apparently this isn't your problem." Yes, that's cynical sarcasm.
That's how I feel. It's so much easier for us to just ignore it. It infuriates me. But I realize that this is because I am dealing with it internally every day.
So I posted a silly comic with Garfield making a comment about hunger...typical American-style "hunger". I thought it would be a little easier to digest.
I realize that there are many, many problems in this world...and that hunger is just one of them. But it is one of them that we can be doing something about.
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