Our Bodies...Now and Then

I think I had lots of prayers for me last night because I had a much, much better day today.

And I realized that I have exactly 40 days left.  Forty more days of prayers from you all would be welcomed!

Mondays are weigh-in days and I was shocked to see that I was down 7 pounds this week.  Our bodies are sure weird and beyond my comprehension.

After taking a shower this morning and drinking some cranberry-pomegranate juice, I headed to the gym and worked out while listening to God's Word on my iPod.  What a great way to start my day!

And it was a busy one.  

I'm preaching the next two Sundays so I've got lots of preparation to do on top of my typical responsibilities and homework.  A Greek quiz is calling my name right now...and I'm not ready to answer.  

Tonight our Lifetree Cafe episode was on having a healthy body image.  The discussion that took place among the college students was interesting.  They have grown up with technology so they said things like, "Well, everyone knows that the images in the magazines are "Photo-shopped".  Yes, I would agree that their generation is pretty aware of that.  Then a guy said, "But even though we all know it, we still hold those images as our ideal."

One of the young ladies in the group is from Zimbabwe.  She said she didn't understand when she came to our country why so many of her female friends were constantly dieting and worrying about their weight.  She indicated that this is not the case in the culture in which she was raised.  In fact, with hunger being an issue in many areas of her country, a larger figure is a sign of health and is seen as normal if not desirable.  

I pray that she has not let our culture negatively affect her positive self-image.

The whole conversation made me wonder how our glorified bodies will look.  Will my face be recognizable?  Will I have the same body but perfect proportions?  Are the proportions that we have deemed perfect the same that God deems as perfect?  Will I weight 200 pounds or maybe 135 pounds?   Would I need a bigger bra or smaller shoes?  

I honestly believe that these questions will seem silly and will be quite irrelevant.  Maybe we'll even laugh at our selfish obsessions as we finally truly enjoy the bodies that God has provided for us.

No matter what your size is today, make the most out of the body you have...dance, swim, exercise...  

Don't let your self-consciousness of your shape (thin or thick) keep you from fully participating in life.

Who Cares

Not posting.  I'm an emotional mess tonight and it wouldn't be pretty.

The things I want to say are ugly and hurtful.

Who cares.

Mrs. Hyde

You may have noticed that I got my new blood work posted on "The Stats" page of the website.  However, you may also notice that it doesn't report my progress on the categories in which I had the most concern--blood platelets, hemoglobin, etc.  Although I specifically told the nurse we needed to check these things, she said she would ask the PA...and then apparently they decided together that this was unnecessary.  So, these things were not checked in my last blood draw.  I was not very happy about it.

So, I've been going forward unsure of whether or not I am still anemic.

But over the last few days I have begun to experience symptoms that have concerned me:  dizziness, confusion, extreme irritability (my husband refers to this as Mrs. Hyde), the inability to focus, and near-fainting.  My daughter has fainted a couple of times and has told me that first things go dark.  I've had things start going dark several times but have been able to fight through this.

This morning my husband and I were timing at our children's swim meet and I was really struggling to understand simple directions (even though I've timed many, many times) and fighting feelings of dizziness.

We decided together that it was time to add some more calories.  He stole a cranberry-grape juice from our kids' cooler and I drank it.

It was like candy!  That was my first experience of something sweet in 67 days.  I felt better within a few minutes.

So...juice has been added as an acceptable supplement to my diet.  I allowed myself two cups of it today--one in the morning and one in the evening.  This increased my caloric intake by about 175%.  I am also still taking vitamins including Iron and B12.

Hopefully these symptoms will now cease.  I'm wondering if they are simply caused by low blood sugar, especially now that I've reviewed those symptoms and seen how my body has responded to the juice.

I'm still moving forward, though, and hope that no additional alterations need to be made.

And they won't be, as long as Mrs. Hyde has made her last appearance.

I'm Fine With This

On the way to the conference yesterday morning, a friend and I were talking in the vehicle about our children and our pregnancies (Why does this subject always come up?) and how God has worked through different events in our lives.

She shared with me that when she was pregnant with her first daughter, she became afflicted with Bell's Palsy.  As expected, she absolutely hates the pictures of herself holding her newborn baby on one of the happiest days of her life.

She never expected that she would be one of the 15% who don't fully recover from this condition.  However, her recovery was very minimal...leaving her with an eye that waters, facial muscles that won't cooperate, and a one-sided smile.  

So she began researching and found many things that she should've and could've done that would've improved her chances for a complete recovery.  Although it was too late, she tried what she could to no avail.

What will surprise you is that she is just fine with it.

You see, when that baby girl was still very small she also contracted Bell's Palsy.  But this momma knew exactly what was going on.  The doctor's could hardly believe it.  This is just so rare!

My friend stepped in immediately with a plan.  She knew what medication she wanted to put her on and she knew what treatments she wanted her baby girl to endure.  And she wasn't afraid to voice her knowledge...especially since her own doctors years before had dropped the ball.

This sweet young 11-year old has absolutely no lasting effects.

And my friend?  Well, although she is unsure about whether or not God "caused" the Bell's Palsy that she suffered prior to her daughter's birth, she does know that God is a redeemer and He led her to learn everything she could so that she would be prepared to help her daughter.

She is a beautiful and grateful woman.

"I'm fine with this!" she told me, pointing to her face and smiling.  "But I wouldn't have been fine if my daughter had to suffer with this."  

"Not everyone can look back and see how God redeemed a situation.  Sometimes we just don't understand.  But through this I have been able to see God's hands working in my life."

"I'm fine with this."

The Finish Line

Overnight my digestive system must shut down.  It seems like I always feel better in the morning...with no growls or uncomfortable hungry feelings.  Since I was at a conference all day, I decided my best course of action was simply to skip lunch also.

It worked.  I didn't feel too terribly hungry today.  But when I got back to the hotel tonight and was heating my one daily serving in the lobby microwave, a lightheadedness swept over me.  I think I was ready to eat.

Although I didn't realize it at the time, my compatriots at this conference selected one of my favorite places to enjoy dinner...The Cheesecake Factory.

Just to put it in perspective, I decided to look up the nutritional information of the cheesecake that I think I may have ordered if it had been a different trip...a different time.  As I browsed their online menu, the dessert that caught my eye tonight was White Chocolate Caramel Macadamia Nut.

Yes, I think that's exactly what I would've ordered.  Right after I finished my dinner.

The calories in this one decadent dessert?  1,222.  Approximately my amount of calories in a 5-day period...as an after dinner treat.

Now, I'm not condemning anyone.  In fact, in a few months when I'm back to see "you know who", I may just insist on stopping there.  I'm simply making a relevant comparison of calories.  Wow.

As it is, however, I'm sipping an ice water and trying to be content with just looking at the picture.  Sometimes it is overwhelming.

This whole day, actually, has been overwhelming.  Have you ever went to a conference and had so much good information thrust into your brain about topics in which you are passionate that you think your head may just explode?  Do you know that feeling of excitement tempered with a feeling of inadequacy that makes the challenges ahead of you seem thrilling yet insurmountable?

Yeah, it's been one of those days.  In fact, with ongoing seminary classes combined with this hunger project, it has been several of those months.  

But I saw a video tonight that put things in perspective.

You also have a Father who will come down out of the stands to hold you up when you think you can't go on, when you think you have to do it alone, when you want to just break down and cry.  

And He will help you make it to that finish line.

And He will help me make it to that finish line.

Shameless Audacity

The easy days seem to be behind me.  I have been so hungry today that it is painful and kind of nauseating.

My day was packed full.  After a busy morning of taking care of business at home and making a hospital visit, I got to meet some great college kids at a discovery fair.  Then I picked up my own kids, dropped them off at home, packed four daily servings in a cooler, distributed hugs and kisses to everyone, and headed to KC for a Leadership Institute.  

I was doing pretty good until sitting in the car for 3 hours.  Once we got here everyone went out to enjoy dinner.  This was the first time I couldn't bear to go along and just sit and drink my ice water.  I just couldn't do it.  

After heating and eating a serving down in the lobby, I climbed into bed to listen to my Greek lecture.  Now the lecture is over and I'm already hungry again.

This is definitely new.  Apparently my body is panicking a bit and realizing that reserves are getting smaller with no additional calories in sight.

Will there be another ebb?  Will I get any periods of relief between now and day 109?

But this is temporary.  Day 110 will come.  I'm strong and healthy...blessed.

This morning I was talking to a friend of mine who is going through a trying time with her health.  She said something like, "I have asked God and asked God for healing over the years and He has been very generous to me.  I have had a good life.  How can I keep asking him for more?  I feel that I am being selfish and that maybe I should just accept my health and quit asking for more favors."

Do you feel like that?  Do you wonder if you're being selfish when you ask God to heal or help you in any way...especially if you've seen the fruit of those prayers and know that God has been generous?  

Well don't.  

The book of Luke tells us that Jesus taught us to pray.  You've heard this prayer before.  It's the Lord's Prayer (Our Father, who art in heaven...).  Then right after that we are told a parable.  Take a look:

Then Jesus said to them, “Suppose you have a friend, and you go to him at midnight and say, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves of bread; a friend of mine on a journey has come to me, and I have no food to offer him.’ 

And suppose the one inside answers, ‘Don’t bother me. The door is already locked, and my children and I are in bed. I can’t get up and give you anything.’ 

I tell you, even though he will not get up and give you the bread because of friendship, yet because of your shameless audacity he will surely get up and give you as much as you need.  --Luke 11:5-8

On top of all of that, we are next given this little gem.

Shameless audacity.

God wants you to seek him boldly and without shame!  Don't stop your praying.

Ask, seek, knock...and receive.

Free Ride?

It's been a wild couple of days.  Life is like that sometimes.  It feels like I've been running from one project to the next (and loving every minute of it).

Tonight on my way home from Lifetree Cafe, I stopped to grab a fried chicken special from our neighborhood Dillons while my husband ran after the kids who were finishing up swim practice.  Eight o'clock and we were just settling down to eat dinner.  

Mmmm...eight pieces of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, and King's Hawaiian sweet rolls.  All for $9.99.  I watched the young man load it all up.

"I guess I'm all out of legs," he said.  "Would you take some extra breasts instead?"  Jackpot.

Driving home with the aroma of fried chicken in the air, I needed to snap my armband a few times to remind myself to be grateful for my one daily serving.

The abundance to which we are privy is grossly unfair when you consider the hunger that others suffer.

I don't know why this weighed on my mind so much.  I've turned it over and over.  Maybe it is the fact that our food problems boil down to suffering with eating white meat when we were hungry for dark.  And this guy was actually apologetic about it.

Don't get me wrong.  I am grateful to live here.  Incredibly grateful!

But I struggle with the fact that we have been given so much...and yet for most of us our daily lives are about accumulating more rather than helping out the others.

This isn't a free ride, folks.  One day we will have to answer for our actions.