Following God's Leading

Sixty days!

One of the things that I have promised myself from the beginning of this project is that I would end it when I felt led by the Holy Spirit to do so.  With my weight dropping faster than I expected, a year does not seem reasonable at this point.

Although I have considered different strategies to protect my health while continuing the project (adding a fruit and/or vegetable, nuts, doubling my portion sizes, etc.), mostly I have just continued through life feeling that I would know the right thing to do when it was time.

This weekend the decision was made.

I try hard to listen to God.  When some people talk about listening to Him, I feel frustrated that I am apparently so hard of hearing.  It is my belief, however, that God finds ways that make sense to each one of us individually.  And, once we figure it out, He uses that method over and over.  If we pay attention, we will "hear" Him in other ways and He will use those, also.

But for right now, if you have been a faithful reader, you know one way that God "talks" to me.

I honestly don't know why I didn't see this earlier, except that I'm a bit stubborn and wanted to complete this project in the way that I set out to complete it.  Yeah, yeah, yeah.  I know..."Man plans.  God laughs."

The final day of the project will be November 17, 2012.  I will have completed 109 days of hunger at that time.

Why November 17?  Because I will see Bruce Springsteen live in concert for the first time in my life that night.  (The number 109 has some significance in my life that I think my sisters would appreciate.)  I think it's been God's plan all along.

In 60 days I have lost nearly 50 pounds.  Although this 60 days has been difficult, I expect that as my weight continues to drop it is going to get much harder.

All along I thought that if the time came in which I felt the project would be cut short, I would feel that I failed.  I don't.  This is another reason that I know God is leading me to this decision.  I am at peace with 109 days.  Excited even.

But this means that I also plan to move up the packaging event in Salina.  I will be promoting it around the city and securing a venue to do this sometime in the early to middle spring.

If you would like me to present the project to your group, club, or church; I would love to come share the journey and invite them to participate.  It is not "my" project.  It is "our" project and I would love your group to be a part of it.  You don't even have to live here or near here to participate in this effort unless you specifically want to help package.  In that case, make sure you are within a reasonable driving distance.   Email me at admin@onedailyserving.com to schedule a time and date.

Now...what will be my first meal as a midnight snack after the concert?  Decisions, decisions...

No Problem

We had a great day yesterday.  Well, most of it.

After sleeping in we loaded up the kids and headed to Wichita.  My husband enjoyed the air show featuring the Thunderbirds of the U.S. Air Force, I visited a friend in the hospital and her family, and the kids got to play with their cousin.  Later, we met my son, his wife, and my sister for dinner.  Mexican food!  (It is always hard to resist Mexican food!)  Before we left town, we did a little shopping.

Then, on the way home, I had a breakdown.  That's the best way for me to describe it.

I remembered that I needed to do some more preparation for a Sunday School lesson I was teaching the next morning.  I remembered that I had scheduled a young teen to serve as worship leader yet I had forgot to help her write the prayer she would be delivering.  I thought about my friend in the hospital.  I reflected on the many messages that have went back and forth among H.S. classmates regarding one of our own that was killed in a car accident earlier this week.

And I lost it.

Everyone else in the car was sleeping as I drove home becoming more and more agitated with each and every mile.

By the time we got home, I wanted to tear something up. I settled for slamming my office door and crying in front of my computer as I struggled with my own emotions. Why does my friend have to struggle through a long process of recovery? Isn't 41 just too young to die? How was I supposed to apologize to this young lady for dropping the ball?  What in the world was I going to say in this prayer that I really needed to write?  I didn't have a copy of the worship schedule for the next morning so I didn't even know what scripture we would be discussing.

I churned out something, worked on my lesson for the next morning, and then angrily went to bed and cried myself to sleep.

Morning came too fast.

When I got to the church, I went to a small room to wait for the young worship leader.  And I prayed.  I prayed for issues I had on my heart and in my mind.  I prayed that the young worship leader would accept my apology and offer me grace even though I dropped the ball.

She was the first one in.  Her response when I apologized?  "No problem."

What?!  I've been beating myself up about this!  Just...no problem.  "I wrote my prayer on the way over here this morning."

During the first service I listened to her read the scripture and say her prayer.  She was poised and prepared.  Her prayer was perfect...just the words that God had laid on her heart through the Holy Spirit.

No problem.

The Sunday school lesson?  It went just fine.  And it was on "Forgiveness".  Why didn't I see the irony in this before I was actually presenting?  Why is it so hard to forgive myself for my own short-comings?

No problem.

And the message this morning?  Well, of course...it was on prayer.

What made the difference between last night's break down and this morning peace and calm?  The few minutes I took to sit alone and connect with God.  Prayer.

Instead of praying when it was needed, I prayed when it was convenient.  I have the distinct feeling that my night would've been much better if I had spent my drive home praying rather than worrying and chastising myself.

Lesson learned.

Hunger Pangs

Hunger pangs.  I thought they were a myth.

This evening I had my first little bout with real pain from hunger.  Don't get me wrong...I've felt hungry, felt and heard my stomach rumbling, and suffered through my digestive tract being uncomfortable.  But this is the first time I've had pain.

It was short lived.  A laid down and read for a while to take my mind off it.

I'm feeling helpless tonight.  With only a few people offering to contribute anything to this project, I realize that this may very well be more of a personal journey for me than a project that really makes a difference for those out there who are starving.

So, I'm going to share with you some different organizations that are making a difference in world hunger over the next couple of weeks other than Numana.

The first is Heifer International.  This organization works to provide a "hand up rather than a hand-out" to those in starving nations.  Through gifts and donations they provide families with agricultural training and livestock that not only supply them with food but also with a source of income to buy additional items to satisfy their needs.

I first heard about this organization when I was teaching high school keyboarding.  One of the letters students had to type was directed to this organization.  I had never heard of it before and assumed it was just a fictional name.  But I looked it up.

That was years ago and I've been impressed with their mission ever since.  In fact, the missions team at my church is looking at doing a Christmas mission to provide Heifer International gifts over the holidays to families in need.

I love this idea.  There are children that need the gift of food way more than our own kids need the latest gaming system.

All Things Work Together

My energy level was up today!  Sometimes I feel like I'm on a roller coaster with this project.

This evening a friend came over to visit.

It's so good to share the ups and downs of life with others who get it.  None of us are perfect.  All of us have done things for which we are ashamed.  But listening to the stories of others and sharing our stories with others helps us to see that we are not alone.

It reminds me of this video by the Skit Guys.

Every mistake that we make, God can and will redeem.  Which leads me to one of my favorite verses:

All things.

All things includes the good and the bad.  No God doesn't make the bad things happen, but He does use them...for good.

How can that be?  How can some of the rotten things that I've done ever be used for good?  

Just trust in Him and sit back and watch.  One day you'll see.

Seeing this over and over again in my life has proven to be a great comfort when facing loss, hurt, pain, shame, etc.  Knowing that God will redeem it all, as long as I am trusting in and living for Him, helps me see things from an eternal perspective (rather than my own limited self-abasing perspective).

We wonder...How could God love me after this?  I am undeserving.  I've done too many bad things.  

This brings me to my very favorite couple of verses which also come from Paul's letter to the people of Rome.

Nothing can separate us from the love of God.  Nothing.

What Does a Packaging Event Look Like?

It was time to go and have some blood drawn again.  I'm anxious to see how the numbers look.

I'm feeling a little guilty for not going to the gym tonight since I have time, but I'm tired.  Maybe getting to bed earlier would help.  With so much reading to do, going to bed now and reading for a while before falling asleep sounds like a good plan.

I wanted to share with you a video that shows a packaging event.  If you would like to participate in one in Salina, Kansas, once the project ends, complete the form (link on right) and let me know.

The food packaged here went to Kenya but this is only one location of many that need it.  In the past, food has been sent all over the world.  For more information, go to www.numanainc.com.

In order to make this happen, $23,000 needs to be raised in the next 10 months.  That's 100,000 meals at $.23 per meal.  Please consider making a pledge to help meet this goal.

Everything is Meaningless

Sometimes you have those days when you realize just how short life really is.  You realize that you can take nothing for granted.  It makes you reflect on your own life and deal with the fact that you only have a short time here.  Are you really accomplishing what you intended to accomplish?

I know that I don't want to look back on my own life with regrets.

One of my very favorite books in the Bible is Ecclesiastes.  Sit down and read the first chapter.  It hardly seems like it would be anyone's favorite!

As you read it (and I recommend you do!) you should know that the author who uses the pseudonym, Qohelet, is believed by the vast majority of theologians to be Solomon.

What do you know about Solomon?  Well, let me tell you a few things.  He is believed to be the richest and wisest man to ever walk the earth.  He had it all--fame, intelligence, riches, possessions, and even women.  He wrote many of the Proverbs and Psalms.  As the son of David, he inherited a kingdom and was part of the lineage of Jesus Christ.

And yet...he wrote Ecclesiastes.  In it he tells us that everything is meaningless--wisdom, pleasures, working, advancement, riches, possessions...everything.

Ponder chapter 9, verses 11-12:

I have seen something else under the sun: 

The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, 

nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant 

or favor to the learned; 

but time and chance happen to them all. 

Moreover, no one knows when their hour will come: 

As fish are caught in a cruel net, 

or birds are taken in a snare, 

so people are trapped by evil times 

that fall unexpectedly upon them.

Don't take a single day for granted.  Don't look for happiness in those things that are meaningless.

My friend that had the stroke yesterday will be recovering for months.  The "clot blocker" injection did not work, nor did the angioplasty.  The damage is permanent and severe.  The clot is still there.  There are so many unanswered questions that can only be answered through additional tests and the passage of time.

Before the stroke yesterday she sent me an email--excited that I agreed to be the presenter at her United Methodist Women's Circle meeting next month.  She was so vibrant, active, loving, and encouraging.  In fact, she was sitting and holding her beautiful 2-month old grand-baby when the bomb dropped.

Meaningless.

But her life has not been meaningless.  As a mother, grandmother, educator, and Christian she has made lasting, meaningful differences in the lives of many...including my own.  You see, it is not meaningless to invest in other lives.

And I pray that she is granted the opportunities to continue to do so.

Pray Expectantly

A friend of mine had a very serious stroke yesterday.  It was so serious, in fact, that she had to be air-lifted to Wichita.

Life can change on a dime.

It made me realize how fragile our bodies are and question whether or not I should be continuing to put mine through the stress of hunger.  

In fact, after several rough days in a row I really felt like it was time to stop.  Before bed last night my husband said, "I think it is time for you to get something to eat."  

I went to bed without posting...thinking that I just could not do this anymore.  And telling myself that my little project really doesn't even matter.  I prayed for my friend and I prayed that God would give me guidance.

Then this morning my husband's radio alarm woke me up with:

"Born down in a dead man's town.

The first kick I took was when I hit the ground.

End up like a dog that's been beat too much,

'til you spend half your life just coverin' up."

Yep...Bruce.  (If this means nothing to you, look back at August 1 and 2.)

This verse of the song fits the lives of those babies born in countries where hunger is just a part of life.  I know that the song was about a dying city in the US, but it has a whole new meaning to me.  His "dead man's town" can't compare to Nairobi, Kenya...and many, many others.  Read that verse once more with those people in your heads.

And on a personal level, this is a communication from God.  Yes, I know it is weird that God uses "The Boss" to send me messages.  But I will continue.

And I pray that this project is fruitful...even if I never see the fruit with my own eyes.

I will also let you know how my friend is doing later this evening.  In the meantime, please pray for a miraculous recovery for her.  Pray with the expectation that there will be healing.  Pray for strength, courage, and comfort for her but also for her family and friends.

Cold Shoulder

First...I'm grouchy and hungry.  I just want to go to bed right now.  My arms and legs are sore from walking and playing 18 holes of golf last night.  I just finished my homework.  And I suffered through my family's lunch at my favorite Mexican food place as well as serving them up German chocolate cake with ice cream this evening.

I also realized that I missed a homework deadline on Friday.  How did I manage to do that?  Grrrr...

I feel angry.  I know that doesn't make sense, but I do.  And I want to cry.  Won't that make me feel better?

Even knowing this is temporary and self-imposed doesn't provide me with comfort.  I feel helpless and hopeless.  Can I imagine a lifetime of being hungry?  The fatigue, difficulty in concentration, yearning for food, hopelessness, and ANGER...until death?

But, wait!  I have a comfy bed.  I have a supportive and helpful husband and healthy children.  I have clean water and even ice cubes at my disposal whenever I want them.  I am guaranteed a serving of food (through Numana) each and every day without fear that it will not be there tomorrow.  I have a car and a job and technology and a climate-controlled home!

No.  I don't get it.  Even after a year I won't be able to comprehend the lives of those in other cultures who are living in constant hunger.  Just rereading my whining above makes me realize what a spoiled baby I am.  Suck it up, cupcake!

Look at them.  Look at them!

What can I do?  What can we do?  Why are the vast majority of us doing nothing?  Do our beds, healthy families, clean water, food, cars, jobs, technology, and homes provide wonderful blinders to the realities of the world?

Open your eyes, people!  This world is full of evil and hurt.  And raving about how wonderful our lives are is ridiculous in the grand scheme of things.  (I'm guilty of this just like you are.)

If our lives are so darn good, we aren't doing enough to help those whose lives are a living hell.

A Mist

I wasn't too hungry today.  But I was tired.

This evening as I walked up the football stands to watch the homecoming game (we won handily), I wasn't sure if I would make it!  That just seemed bizarre to me considering that I can go 45 minutes on a Arc Trainer or Elliptical machine.

At the game my youngest daughter took a picture of me holding a friend's baby.  Wow.  I could really see that I have lost a lot of weight.  Actually I had to get some smaller jeans today because my others won't stay up.

Don't fret...I'm still chubby.  I don't foresee that I will be wasting away anytime soon.

It's going to be an exciting weekend with a parade in the morning, my daughter's senior homecoming dance tomorrow night as well as a golf date with my husband, and then his birthday the next day.  I thoroughly enjoyed picking out his birthday gifts today and look forward to making a him a German Chocolate cake tomorrow.

Hopefully all of the excitement will keep my hunger at bay.

How can it already be closing in on the end of September?  How can my little girl be old enough to go to her last high school homecoming?  How can my husband already be turning 42?

Unconditional Love

Whoever was praying for more energy for me today...it worked!  Thank you!  I felt much better today and went for a workout tonight.

When I got home I found that my daughter's first set of senior pictures was posted for our review.  They're beautiful.  She is such a joy in our lives.

It made me think back to when I was her age.  I wasn't such a joy for my parents.  In fact, I recently found a picture of the first day of my senior year.  I look like I was mad at the world.  It was best if you just agreed with me and stayed out of my way.

I often say now, "I wish a knew now everything I thought that I knew back then."  You see, I was certain that I knew it all.

However, I'm not sure if I knew yet on that day that I was pregnant...but my hunch is that I did.

Don't the proud fall hard.

Over the next few years I cried more tears than any 17, 18, or 19 year-old should be allowed to cry.  I begged God for a redo.  Not that I didn't love my son...because I did and I do!  But there were so many painful lessons that I learned that I simply had no business learning at that age.

My parents were (and still are) amazing and loving people.  They didn't deserve all of the grief that I gave them.  They didn't do a thing to cause me to be such a teenage turd.

If you have a child who is putting you through the ringer right now, my best advice is:  Love them through it.

Yep...that's it.  Just love them every day no matter how badly they disappoint you (and they will) and how terribly they hurt you (because they might).  Don't damage that relationship that is so important.  Even if they lose everything else in the world, don't let them lose you.  And, don't blame yourself for their failures and their pain.

Unconditional love.  Give it!

And receive it!

You Are All One

Ugh.  I'm so hungry tonight. 

I walked around the mall with my daughter this evening looking for homecoming shoes with my stomach growling. 

At dinner tonight my family was asking me what I want to eat for my first meal at the end of this project.  I don't even know.  How can I narrow it down to one food or even one meal?  Honestly, hot fresh bread and butter sounds good.

It's been an emotional few days.  Since Sunday I have had people each day call, email, or come see me to tell me how much my message during worship meant to them.  I can't explain how humbling that is.

This afternoon one of the older men of my congregation told me that a group of men meet every afternoon at McDonalds...and that they were "inspired" by the words that God gave me to share.  Wow. 

With my personal struggle of being a woman in ministry and wrestling with the Bible's words on this matter, the support and encouragement of older Christian men is huge.

Another older man from my congregation called tonight to offer similar words of encouragement.  He made it clear that his feelings were not just his...but that his friends had expressed the same.  And then he asked me to teach his Sunday School class one day next month.  (How could I say no?)

After each of these encounters today, I cried.  I just can't express how it feels to know that God is using me to reach others.  These people weren't moved by MY words, they were moved by the Holy Spirit. 

This encouragement might have come through man but it is proof to me that God has blessed my ministry and will use me to further His Kingdom.

I am grateful.

Legislating Our Eating

Yesterday was such a full and busy day that I was up until midnight but still didn't find the time to post.  I was very tired and actually fell asleep when I came home for lunch.  Please pray that my energy level rebounds.

Some students from a town very near the small town in which we used to live produced a video and song in response to the changes that took place this year in school lunches because of the "Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids Act" of 2010.

I have listened to my own kids talk about the small portion sizes and the complaints that they hear often from their classmates.  (And, by the way, the cost that I pay for my kids meals certainly didn't go down!)  What have the kids learned from this?  Candy bars can be easily stored in a locker for later consumption.  The plan is backfiring folks.

Just a few days ago, New York City's Board of Health approved Mayor Bloomberg's ban on soda that is served in a cup larger than 16 oz.

In the paper this morning, there was a chart showing current and predicted obesity levels in every US state.  The 2011 BMI rates are based on a recent report by the Center for Disease Control (chart on left).  I did a little more research and found that the predicted BMIs for 2030 were estimated by the "Trust for America's Health" (chart on right).



Oh, the health issues of the rich and spoiled.  (Yes, that's us.)

Join together in following my example, brothers and sisters, and just as you have us as a model, keep your eyes on those who live as we do. For, as I have often told you before and now tell you again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.  --Philippians 3:17-21 (emphasis mine)

Can we really legislate healthier lifestyles?  Do we want to be told what we can and cannot eat?  What will come next...required amounts of exercise?

One of the things I appreciate about the democratic and capitalistic forms of our government and economy is the people's ability to live out their God-given right to free will.  We have the freedom to exercise this!  In many countries, they do not.

We get to choose where and how we work.
We get to choose if we will help others financially.
We get to choose what we will put in our mouths.
We get to choose our religion, our leaders, our lifestyle, our words.

We are so fortunate that we get to make those choices for ourselves!  Sometimes we make great choices and other times we choose very poorly.  Free will!  We suffer the consequences of our own actions.

Do we really want to start taking away our ability to make these decision for ourselves?  Do we want to take away the free will that was a gift from God?  Apparently those who passed the restrictions for our school lunches and those who think they should decide how much others should drink think this is a good idea.

Oh...but the bottom line is that we are truly worried about the COST of obesity. Hmmm...maybe different rates based on BMI for health insurance makes more sense.  This is a reasonable natural consequence that doesn't restrict one's freedom.

What must those who live in countries full of starving people think about such a problem?

Remember, our bodies are God's temple.  We have a responsibility to take care of them.

Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in your midst? If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy that person; for God’s temple is sacred, and you together are that temple. --1 Corinthians 3:16-17

In the News

The hunger is back.  I had more of a battle with it mentally and emotionally today than I have had lately.

I haven't remembered to share this in the last few day, but Numana was in the news recently!  The story starts at 2:14.  Check it out...

I did go work out tonight...and felt pretty good through it.  I think I really needed this today.

Although it was a day full of affirmations with several kind words from others about the message I delivered during the church service yesterday, it was one of those days that I just didn't feel God near.

But our faith isn't based on feelings, is it.

Remember that just because you sometimes feel that God seems far away, doesn't mean that He is.  We just need to remember to reach out in prayer.  He's there...around you, near you, in you.

Prayer is important.

Odd

What a wonderful Sunday!

Yesterday I was so stressed about the message I had prepared to deliver this morning in church.  As I wrote it last week, it was certainly darker than I planned.  However, I went in the direction that I felt led.  I kept thinking, "This is not what I want to talk about.  I want to keep it light."  But I stuck with it.

Even as I preached it this morning, the sanctuary seemed dead quiet.   It was odd.  And I found it very difficult to read the congregation.  But I know that God worked through me today (maybe even despite me!) because the tears in people's eyes and the warm, encouraging comments reinforced my ministry.

(If you're interested, you can check it out here.)

One of the ladies in the congregation commented on my appearance.  I laughed and told her it was a side-benefit of a project that I'm working on and I pointed her to this blog.  Soon I will share the project with my entire congregation but I just haven't found the right timing yet.  I don't want them to see this as a project about me...but a project about hunger.  I strongly feel that God will lead me to this announcement in His timing.

I did experience something interesting and odd that I'm still trying to puzzle out.

After the service, a man came up to me whom I had never met.  In fact, I've never seen him in my life.  He complimented me on giving a good message and then handed me one of the tongue "suppressors" that we had handed out during the message.  And then he walked away.

On the stick he had written a word that is used in the King James translation from Proverbs 4:24--another verse dealing with the tongue.  The word was "froward".

That verse in the King James version says, "Put away from thee a froward mouth, and perverse lips put far from thee."  Again...this was not the version that was used in the service.

 He wrote:  "froward = idiomatic expression = misinformation = HUMINT".

The only definition that I am able to find for HUMINT is "human intelligence".

I don't understand.  Who was this strange visitor?  What in the world was he trying to discreetly tell me?  It was like this man was looking at my message...looking at the world...through a different lens.

The concept of seeing the world through God's eyes also came up in a discussion in one of my seminary classes today.  There is just so much that we do not see.  One of my classmates gave the name of this artist and song in a post.  It seems perfect.  So I'm sharing with you.

I'm not sure what to think of this incident, but I get the distinct feeling that one day I will understand.  In the meantime, I will keep that little tongue depressor with the word "Controlled" on one side and this man's handwriting on the other side in a safe place for further contemplation.

Watch Your Mouth

I started the day with a workout.  Wow...I was dragging.  But I did it!

When I got out of the shower, my husband shared with me that he had stopped at a local tractor supply shop and looked at some antique tractors that were parked outside.  His father used to own four old tractors and thoroughly enjoyed tractor pulls back before Alzheimer's took his mind and then took his life.

As he walked along admiring the old tractors, he came to one and thought, "This is just like one my dad used to have."  It wasn't just like it...it WAS the tractor!  He was able to meet the new owner.  It's a man from our church...a man who will be sitting in the pew listening to my sermon in the morning.

God works in mysterious ways.   I'm so glad that my husband just happened to stop, and that the tractor happened to be there, and that the new owner was a friend...and one who was willing to stop and share a kind word or two.

Obviously I believe in the power of words.  After all, I'm using a blog to share this project with you.

Tomorrow I'm preaching on the topic.  All week I've been amazed at how many times the power of tongue has come up in my life...

...from me getting my own feelings hurt by someone else words
...to me hurting someone else's feelings by my own poor selection of words.

In preparation for my sermon, I came across this video about the importance of selecting our words carefully...about the power of words.  I want to share it with you.

When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.  --James 3:3-6

Watch your mouth.

Point Blank

Another day that neither "head hunger" nor "heart hunger" dictated by thoughts and emotions.  Yay!  I hope this keeps up!

I met with my ministry mentor today.  It had been a while since we had been able to get together so it was absolutely wonderful to spend a couple of hours with her.  One of the first things I did was introduce her to my project...and I was thrilled that she offered me encouragement and support.  (Even though she was munching on an Elephant Ear and drinking coffee as she did so.)

But I also needed to talk with her about some issues in my journey into ministry that have been discouraging. Nobody said that this road would be an easy one, but I am always hurt and surprised when a roadblock comes up and disrupts my plan.  Then I remember that it's not my plan that's important.

So today, after my mentor listened to me throw a little pity party and beat myself up about an issue for a while, she told me a story of her own.

When she was fairly new in ministry, she was asked to attend a weekend retreat that she really did not want to attend.  It was an emotional event for many people and she found herself thinking, "Why am I here?  I don't want to be here!  This weekend is going to last forever."

At one point in the weekend, she was in conversation with one of the meeting facilitators.  And she was doing just what I was doing earlier today--beating herself up about an issue.  The response she got floored her.

Point blank, the facilitator (another pastor) said to her, "Who in the hell do you think you are that Jesus Christ dying on the cross was not good enough to cover your sins?"

It was like getting hit in the face with a brick wall for my mentor.  And it changed her life.

I got the point.  And I hope that you also take it to heart.

Beating yourself up about your faults is pure vanity if you are a Christian.  You've been forgiven.  You have no right to withhold forgiveness from yourself knowing that Jesus Christ suffered to give you the gift of forgiveness.

Who in the hell do you think you are?

Busyness

No time to be hungry again today.  I think that's a good thing.

Right now I'm studying Greek to take my first test.  And listening to lectures.  And reading...and reading some more.

Plus I'm preparing a sermon for two services on Sunday.

And, I'm meeting my mentor tomorrow out of town.

Not to mention that my youngest kids were home today because of parent/teacher conferences.

Groceries need bought.  Bills need paid.

Blogs need written.

Momma needs sleep.

We all recognize idleness as a danger, but we should also recognize that busyness can also be dangerous.

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” 

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”  --Luke 10:38-42

Take time to sit at Jesus' feet every single day.  (Note to self:  Even if that means getting up earlier.)

Our Hungry Kids...A Practical Response

I had lots going on today and got my first headache of the project.  A nap took care of it...but I really didn't have time for a nap today.  Nor did I have time to exercise.  The good news?  I didn't battle hunger today, even when watching the kids load up their dishes at Yogurtini tonight for a special treat after parent/teacher conferences.

Recently I was talking to one of my educator friends and I found that the building in which she works is taking practical steps to help those children who don't have access to regular and healthy meals.  In particular, they focus on long weekends and holidays when a child may have to go several days without proper nutrition.

Teachers are asked to confidentially identify students who they suspect are not fed properly.  Prior to these long weekends or holidays, a backpack is sent home with these students providing basic food products to assure they do not go hungry.

Apparently the first few times they did this, they had cans coming back unopened but really beat up.  After some questioning and finally talking to some of the kids, they found out that these students often do not even have access to can openers.  They were trying all different kinds of things to get those cans opened.  Now they don't send canned goods home unless they can be opened without a pull-tab on top.

What a great idea!

Last year my church "adopted" a local elementary school with high rates of poverty.  This has been a great opportunity for our congregation to reach out to those less fortunate.

Your church can do the same thing.  And, although there are many projects you can do with this school, you could provide these backpacks prior to holiday and parent/teacher conference extended weekends.  Items sent home could include peanut butter, macaroni and cheese (with the squeeze sauce), juice in plastic containers, rice side-dish boxes, bagged instant flavored mashed potatoes, and instant oatmeal.  Of course, you may have some other better ideas.  Just avoid frozen or canned items as well as food products that require other ingredients which they may not have at home.  Plus, you'll need to buy some backpacks.  I also think it would be a good idea to provide a card with the name and address of any local food pantries.

The process needs to be discreet to protect the privacy (and dignity) of the children and their families.  But it is a very realistic way to fight hunger right in your own community.

There is no sense in anyone in this country being hungry.  We simply have too many resources to allow this to happen right under our noses.

Remember

Food wasn't on my mind today.  Memories of a more innocent time were.

I was fortunate that I stood on top of one of the World Trade Center towers as a child.  I have those memories.  And I have pictures.  My younger sister said it very well in her facebook post this morning...

I had to share this picture. My sister took it in 1983 when we were on top of the World Trade Center South. I was only 9 years old at the time, and I will never forget being on top of the world. I'm sad that my children will never know the NY skyline with those twin towers, sad they will not see the freedoms we lost that day and sad at the loss of life that was taken in just a few short hours and the feeling of loss that we felt as a nation. I am blessed to have parents who shared this great nation with us and made sure we saw as much of it as they could afford to share. God Bless the USA!

I took that picture at the age of 13 not knowing that in eighteen more years those towers would no longer exist.   It's a horrific reminder of the evil in this world and the temporary status of all earthly things.

We all have memories of that day 11 years ago.  I was home preparing for a workshop that I was presenting the next day out of town.  The kids were at school and I had the Today show on as part of my normal daily routine.

The story drew me out of my office and to the couch where I watched in horror as my brain tried to process what had just happened.  Was it a crazy accident that took that plane into the building?  And then...the second plane hit.

Even watching it now, I am crying and shaking.  It is still so unreal.

I had never felt so helpless, scared, and unsafe.  Of course, I called mom.  In fact, each one of us four girls called mom that day.  We needed to hear our parents and be comforted by them.  We needed them to make us feel secure.

And many, if not most of us, talked to God that day.  For some it was probably the first time in a long time.  Our prayers came in anguished cries, and tearful pleads, and soft wordless moans.  Each was heard.

Don't wait for another tragedy to reach out to Him again.

You Are Needed!

You may be new to "One Daily Serving".  If you are, it's important that you get the back story behind the project.  This is a good place to start.  These posts are in backward chronological order.

Although this is a very personal journey for me in my own spiritual growth, I have also elected to make it public in that I want YOU to experience hunger through me.  I want YOU to gain some of the insights revealed to me over the months.  But mostly, through this public project, I want YOU to help me do something about hunger.

I pray that my family is able to take this trip next summer.  Click here to check out the video of Numana's current trip to Kenya.  Seems like a great family vacation to me!  My kids would certainly see the world in a different light.

The food provided in the video was packaged in Wichita.  A half a million meals!  Wow!  My goal for Salina is 100,000 meals.  The cost of the food for this project would be $23,000 and we would need help in packaging.  Hopefully YOUR help.

Please consider being a part of this project.  It doesn't have to be a large financial commitment.  Even $1 per month for the year (total of $12) would add up if enough people were willing to give to the cause.  ALL proceeds will go directly to Numana, Inc. for food.  There are no additional expenses associated with this project.  (The $.23 per meal would cover Numana's food costs, administration, shipping, etc.)

You need to know that Numana, Inc. is a 501(c)(3) organization...so your donation will be tax deductible!

In fact, your contribution doesn't have to be monetary at all!  Your prayers would be a welcome and much needed gift!  And, of course, I would love for you to join me and my friends (bring your whole family!) as we package food next August.

To make a pledge, just complete this form.  A certificate will be sent to you to remind you of your contribution.  Monetary donations will not be "due" until the end of the project--August 1, 2013.  However, your contribution of prayer starts today.

If you are able come help us package in August, please bring a covered dish.  Let's celebrate our accomplishment by sharing a meal together in our fellowship with one another.

More details of the event will continue to come as we get closer to the project's end.

By the way...it was a good day.  After at least of week of my hunger really feeling like a heavy burden, it was nice to have a day of respite.  Neither my head nor my stomach seemed to clamor for food today.  These days seem to be few and far between so I am grateful.

Thanks for reading!

40 Days and 40 Nights

It's been 40 days.  This period of time is significant in the Bible.

In Genesis 7:12 rain fell on the earth for 40 days and 40 nights during the great flood.  Of course, Noah had built an ark which contained every living thing that survived.

Twice in Exodus (24:18 and 34:28) Moses spent 40 days with God on Mount Sinai.

Moses and Aaron sent spies to check out the promised land in Numbers 13.  Their exploration lasted 40 days.

When Israel battled the Philistines, a giant named Goliath challenged them for 40 days offering to settle the fight if only one man could kill him (1 Samuel 17:16).  Of course, young David met that challenge.

Elijah had reached his limit and asked God to take his life...then took a nap.  God responded by waking him and telling him to eat.  He was provided with food that gave him supernatural strength to fast for 40 days.  After this, the Lord revealed himself to Elijah in a "still small voice".  (1 King 19)

Ezekial had to bear the sins of Judah for 40 days as he prophesied against Jerusalem while lying, tied in ropes, on his right side.  (Ezekial 4:6-8)

Jonah proclaimed to Nineveh that they had 40 days to repent or suffer God's wrath.  They repented.  Wise choice. (Jonah 3)

Matthew 4:2 tell us that Jesus fasted for 40 days and 40 nights after the Spirit led him into the wilderness.

After his resurrection, Jesus appeared to the apostles for 40 days--proving that he was alive and talking about the Kingdom of Heaven.  (Acts 1:3)

I've been looking forward to this 40 day mark for a while.  For me it is significant that God has given me strength to make it to this point.  Even with a hurdle thrown in my path today, I find myself uplifted by simply writing this journal entry...and reminding myself that:

If God is for us, who can be against us? --Romans 8:31

Goosebumps!

What a fantastic Saturday!

We left town to visit family.  The lunch selection was Golden Coral.  I was floored that we were charged $41 for 3 people to eat.  There's no way we got our money's worth there!  Believe me, that won't happen again.  I drank water...and left early.  Another minute of looking over my son's head at the chocolate fountain might have done me in.  Plus, I was freezing!

Now, I guess it really wasn't cold in there.  Everyone else said they were comfortable.  I was the only one with goosebumps.  When I left, I drove over to Sam's and just sat out in my vehicle in the parking lot in the sun for awhile to warm up.

This isn't the first time that I've noticed this.  Typically I don't notice temperature.  My body always regulates this pretty well.  However, for the last couple of weeks it seems I'm always cold.  While I usually sleep with no covers and the fan running, I've found myself going to bed in sweats and even socks...snuggled cozily under my comforter.

Our oldest son had a party to celebrate the one year anniversary of his honorable discharge from the US Navy.  In his six years since high school graduation he has completed two years of community college and a four year term in the Navy.  This fall he started attending Wichita State University to complete his Bachelor's Degree requirements.  I'm so proud of his hard work and accomplishments.

How did he celebrate?  Oh yeah...with food.  He grilled Carne Asada to be exact.  Steak, tortillas, fresh salsa, fresh guacamole, chips, and a couple of very decadent looking pies.  By the time we got home late last night, I was a little crabby.

After a little fit (yes, I'm prone to them now and then), I went to bed...in my winter PJs.

Feeding the Eyes

While I was away at seminary for 3 weeks, I made the comment to one of my friends that I was really enjoying the Food Network.  She asked, "Isn't that kind of like 'lust'?"  We laughed about it at the time.

However, the more I think about it, the more it doesn't seem so funny.

This has made me see the concept of lust in a different light.  Watching something that you lust after certainly does increase your craving for it.  I realized that some of my worst days were those in which I watched shows like "Chopped" or "Cupcake Wars".

If this is true for me in regard to food, it must be true for those with other issues besides hunger.

Why is just looking at something that we want so dangerous?  Because it often leads to action.

Of course you know where I'm going with this.  The whole "sex industry" (porn, strip clubs, prostitution) is set up to provide the eye candy to make people want to act on their desires.  At some point, looking is no longer good enough.

In fact, Jesus says, "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." --Matthew 5:28

Is the Food Network a type of "food porn"?  Have I been committing some kind of "food adultery" by "cheating" on my project in this way?  This is one issue that starving people in foreign countries don't have to deal with much...if at all.  But for those who are hungry right here in our midst, it's painful.  I know.

I had no idea that the impact of this visual stimuli was so strong.  I'm avoiding the Food Network at this point.  In fact I don't watch much TV at all.  Enticing food is visually promoted everywhere!  No wonder we're such a fat nation.

Be careful what you feed your eyes.

The Little Things

Vitamins for breakfast this morning.  And, I do feel better this evening.

When I logged into my email tonight I had a message from a seminary friend.  He sent a copy of his church's latest newsletter with an article about my project.  Very cool!  I needed this encouragement today.

On the other end of the spectrum, I talked to my mom who is very concerned about my health and just wants me to start eating again.  After reassuring her that I am keeping my eye on my health, she didn't sound very soothed.

But I was serious in saying that I will continue to watch out for my own health.  Although I know I can lean on God, I also know that He has given me a brain with the expectation that I will use it to behave reasonably.    We can't just throw caution to the wind...even when following God's call.

With all of that said, I don't see any reason to stop now (other than to satisfy my own desires).  And I'm too stubborn to give in to just my spoiled stomach.

Tonight I had the pleasure of spending a few hours keeping an eye on my friends' 8-month old boy.  I always enjoy watching his pleasure with the simple things--giggles, kisses, stairs, walking (holding my hands), Fruit Loops, and (for the first time) cheese puffs.  Such a great reminder of how quickly time goes by.  Weren't my own kids that size just a couple years ago?

Make an effort tomorrow to live each moment and cherish the little things.

Save the Pets

I got my lab results back today.  It's no wonder I was so tired.  (See them at http://onedailyserving.weebly.com/the-stats.html)  I'm currently anemic with low electrolytes and blood platelets.  This evening I went and bought some vitamins.

If that brings up my numbers I will continue to keep my food intake as it is...one daily serving of Numana.

Speaking of Numana, Jay is currently over in Kenya dispensing food.  What an amazing trip that would be for my family, in particular, my children.  I hope this project opens their eyes considerably.

Over the weekend we got a flyer in our newspaper from IAMS dog food.

Really?  It costs only 23 cents to feed a hungry human.  Our priorities are a bit out of control.  It irritates me that they seem to be using the same language that is used for pleas to help the starving around the world.

Humans were created in God's image to be in dominion over the animals.

A listened to man say yesterday that he had a pet rabbit for a while as a child...and then one day it was gone.  He asked his father, "Where's my rabbit?"  His dad pointed at the oven and said, "We're higher on the food chain."

What about you?  Is your pet an "idol" in your life?  Does it keep you from traveling because you can't leave it?  Does it cost you resources that you really can't afford or that could be better used?

Pets are just pets.  And in many countries, they are supper.

And God said, “Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: the livestock, the creatures that move along the ground, and the wild animals, each according to its kind.” And it was so. God made the wild animals according to their kinds, the livestock according to their kinds, and all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good. 

 Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”  (Genesis 1:24-26, emphasis mine)

Can't wait to see what PETA has to say about this...

Distracted

Classes started back up today.  It's going to be an intense schedule.  I worry about my ability to concentrate when I seem so distracted by thoughts of food right now.  Ridiculous...and frustrating.

I took a nap after work.  My energy level is not good.  Will it continue to deteriorate or is this just a phase of the fast?  I'm seriously thinking about adding one fresh fruit or vegetable per day.  Maybe that would be enough to pep up my energy.  I'll give it a little more time and see what my blood work indicates.

Tonight I went to the gym to get in a workout.  The Arc Trainer was definitely tougher than usual but I stuck it out for 50 minutes.  I'm hoping that regular exercise will help with my energy.

It seems to me that I am at a critical stage in this journey.  Either I've got to figure out how to get past the constant hunger (and thoughts of food) or I will not be able to continue.  I know I've got to get out of my own head but that is much easier said than done when your body's needs (and wants) are so persistent and severe.  And there is no end in sight.

Suggestions are appreciated.  Prayers are needed.

Toys or Treasures

My energy level today was low.  I didn't get much accomplished...at all.

I'm reading a really good book right now called The Treasure Principal by Randy Alcorn.  (It was a free gift from my visit to Freedom Church in Tennessee.)

Giving and living simply are so counter-cultural, yet that is what we are called to do.  For many, this (like the Sabbath) has been spoiled by our legalistic nature.  We want to ask questions like:  How much am I required to give?  Who do I have to give it to?  Is a tithe (tenth) based on my gross income or net income?  If I give a tithe, does this all have to go to my church?  If I want to give to other causes, does this need to be over and above my tithe?

My answer:  Quit worrying about following the rules and just give!  God didn't intend for this to be a burden, but a joy.

You've seen the bumper sticker.

 

Hmmm...

Check out these quotes that Alcorn pulled from some people you may know:

"The care of $200 million is enough to kill anyone.  There is no pleasure in it."  --W.H. Vanderbilt
"I am the most miserable man on earth."  --John Jacob Astor
"I have made millions, but they have brought me no happiness."  --John D. Rockefeller
"Millionaires seldom smile."  --Andrew Carnegie
"I was happier when doing a mechanic's job."  --Henry Ford

Actually, the Bible tells us that instead of storing up riches (that includes toys) here, we should be storing up treasures in heaven. 

Well, how in the world do we store up those kinds of treasures?  Invest your time, energy, and (yes) money in things that will last and things that will make difference in the lives of others.  Giving!

He explains it like this...

Your life is a dot.  It's just a small moment of time.  Yet, so many put everything into that one little dot.

But your eternal life just starts with that dot.

Everything you have (EVERYTHING) will be gone away.  Either it will leave you when it deteriorates, is ingested, rots, or rusts away...or you will leave it.  You can't take it with you.

But you can send your treasures on ahead of you to be stored up for your arrival.

What will those treasures be?  I cannot fathom what heaven will be like but I would hazard a guess that our treasures here cannot compare to the fabulous treasures there.

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.  --Words of Jesus in Matthew 6:19-21

Undeserved

After church this morning we had lunch with friends.  From there on out it was a wonderfully lazy Sunday.

I think the whole family napped before my parents came over to visit late in the afternoon.  I'm glad my kids enjoy quiet, alone time.

It was another tough day with food, though.  I was really hungry today.  However, I found that I was better about turning to God for comfort and strength rather than just fighting the battle on my own.  Delicious food is simply a momentary pleasure, I was reminded many times today.  I wish I didn't miss those moments so much.

Tonight we watched "Saving Private Ryan" with our children.  They are all teens and they asked lots of questions.  It had been a while since I watched that one...in fact, we only have it on VCR tape.  Such a vivid portrayal of the horrors of World War II--specifically D Day and the immediate aftermath.

It was certainly a time of sacrifice in our country's history.  There were sacrifices by parents, brothers, and sisters, friends, but especially of the lives of those soldiers.  

Does my generation realize the depth of those sacrifices?  What about the generations younger than mine?  Is it possible for us to even comprehend the bravery it took to fight such evil?  Would we be willing to make the same sacrifices?  

There are countries with generations of people that only know life with war.  There is evil still out there.  

I'm thankful, so very thankful, for my safety and my freedom.  However, I can't help but think of those who don't know such security.  

Why was I blessed with the privilege of being born in the U.S.?  How did I have the great fortune to be raised in the Midwest?  By loving parents?  With the freedom and simple pleasures that come with living in a small, rural town?  Why?

Did I somehow deserve it?  Was I such a special soul that God looked on me with special favor?

Or could I have just as easily been born in a slum in a big city to a mother on crack?  Or in a desert in Africa to parents who would soon die of AIDS as I slowly starved?  

No.  I don't deserve any of it.  Neither do you.  Quite on the contrary...we have been given much and we have a great responsibility because of it.

The servant who knows the master’s will and does not get ready or does not do what the master wants will be beaten with many blows. But the one who does not know and does things deserving punishment will be beaten with few blows. From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked. (Luke 12:47-48 emphasis mine)

Do you know your Master's will?  Are you doing it?  Are we doing it?

It's much easier to sit back and think, "It's not my problem."

But we weren't asked to do what was easy.