Date Night

As promised I had some blood drawn today.  It will be interesting to see what the labs look like next week.

I had the day off of work and it was an incredibly productive day at home.  There were many things that I wanted to get done before a new semester starts next week.  I had plenty of energy and didn't take that usually highly coveted nap.

This evening my husband and I went on a date.  Since he was the only one eating, he chose a barbecue place for dinner.  You know how barbecue joints smell.  Mmmm...  I drank my water.  It surprised me that it bothered me so much that he threw his two pieces of buttery Texas toast in the trash untouched.  I do miss bread.

We then went to a comedy movie.  I'm thankful that he was full so I didn't have to smell that buttery popcorn!

Honestly, it wasn't too bad.  As always, it was nice to get some time to ourselves without the kids.  It doesn't happen very often.

It was nice just to sit close, hold hands, and laugh together.

Headaches and Hummingbirds

Thirty days with no headaches.  This may seem like no big deal to you but not to someone who carries Excedrine everywhere she goes because she fights headaches often and its the only thing that works.  In fact, each of the two morning before I started this project I woke up early with headaches so bad that I had to pop a few of them and go back to sleep for an hour.

Pretty awesome side-effect if you ask me.

I found a way to liven up my serving of Numana.  I pull the prepared stuff out of the fridge and add water before heating it up.  Then I can pretend that its chicken and rice soup!  You wouldn't think that I would be so excited about this, but I am.  Hey, whatever "floats your boat".

Ha...that's a phrase that makes me think of my dad.  He turned 70 today and I forgot.  Again.  I'm looking forward to seeing my folks this weekend, though.  Except, I haven't told them about the project yet and I'm a little afraid that they may not be pleased about it.  After all, I'm still their little girl and they will worry about my health.  Isn't it funny that we are never to old to stop wanting to please our parents?  I know that I am lucky to be blessed with them both and I love them so very much.

Tonight I headed to Genesis and worked out on the Arc Trainer.  Thirty minutes was all I could pull off, barely broke a sweat, and my pace was about 75% of normal.  I think it's time to try weights...something that will burn less calories but help me maintain muscle.

One last thing...I sat out in the sunshine for a little while reading a magazine this afternoon.  A noise caught my attention and I turned to look.  It was a Hummingbird!  I don't know that I've ever seen one of those in Kansas before.  After doing a bit of searching, I found that in South America the Hummingbird is a symbol of resurrection because they seem to die on cold nights and come back to life in the morning.

It was a beautiful gift today.  Another amazing example of God's creativity in His complex creation.

Pain and Suffering

Full day.  Finished my final paper for my summer class and had two meetings this afternoon and evening.

I'm beat.

Although I felt good today, I certainly can tell that I require more sleep.  I need to make time to get to the gym tomorrow to help with my energy level.  But right now, I'm just ready to hit the pillow.

I was invited today to participate in a showing of and conversation about "Nefarious" with a bunch of college kids later this month.  Although I am excited about the opportunity, I dread the emotions that I will feel during and after the documentary film.

Hunger is a very real issue that involves pain and suffering, but so is human trafficking.  It's a very different kind of pain and suffering for sure. This world is so full of hurt.  Unbearable hurt.

I'll share more about this with you after the viewing.  Take a minute to check out the website and be aware that this is not just someone else's problem, it's happening right here in Kansas.

Gloomy stuff...sorry.  I think I can find the energy to take the time to go hug my kids before bed.

I need it.

Gunkiness and Gratefulness

Today was much better.  That's really saying something since it included my 6-month dental check-up.

I made an interesting observation while there.  This is kind of gross, but...usually my salivary gland under my tongue is out of control and I gleek at the dental hygienist the whole time she is working on me.  Today, it was not an issue at all.

In fact, I realize that in general I am less "gunky".  I mean, I used to wake up and blow my nose first thing every morning.  Clearing my throat often was a habit.  In fact, my voice was scratchy because of constant gunk on my vocal chords that we couldn't clear up.  You know that crud that you get in the corner of your eye, well it seemed like I was always digging it out.  All of that is gone since I started this.  Strange.

Guess what my husband brought home from work.  (Hint: He picked them off a full tree beside their building.)  That's right...a bunch of apples.  So, guess what I did.  Yep...I made another apple crisp.  And it didn't bother me a bit.  I just appreciated the smells as well as the company of my youngest son who helped by trying his hand at peeling an apple.  This one is going to treat the staff at the church tomorrow, though.  (I don't think that this was the outcome that my husband had envisioned.)

What a full, productive, and blessed day it was.

Life is much better when lived with a grateful heart.

Handing It Over

Back to work today.  It was good to slide back into a routine of getting the kids off to school and spending my day at the church.

One of the members of our congregation brought in freshly picked apples from his tree.  I brought six home and made a fresh apple crisp.  My family said it was delicious...especially served hot out of the oven with ice cream.  

I'm just going to say it...

I'm hungry!  Well, of course I'm hungry.  But I am seriously hungry.  And kind of angry about it...even though that isn't even rational.

Tonight I had a ministry project with other people from the community.  I'm pretty sure that others, including my family, don't realize the inner struggle that I fought today.  Which is good.

Afterwards, my husband and I ran by the grocery store.  Anything and everything looked good.  After I heated and began eating my Numana, he popped a chicken pot pie into the oven.  Not fair!  Just lying here now and thinking about it makes me hungry all over again...and resentful.

How can I work through this?  How do those who don't have a choice deal with the constant gnawing of hunger?  Will this stage pass or will this get worse?  Is it going to be a constant ebb and flow...or has the ebbing given way to flow that will just continue to flood until I can't take it anymore?

Can I do this?  After all, I have a choice.  I could just say, "Forget it." tomorrow and move on...and it really wouldn't matter to anyone.  Except me?

I knew going into this it wouldn't be easy.  I find that I am reminding myself that part of my purpose behind this journey is to experience true hunger without an easy answer lying around the corner.  I can't just think, "Well, I can eat that next week."  No...a year is so far into the future right now that I can't even see it.  That is no consolation.  And I remind myself that this is by design.  It was my intention.  

Hungry...with no options, no comfort in knowing that this will only last a little bit longer, and feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.

And where did I turn today to deal with it?  Inward.  Wrong choice.

God brought me here and I need to trust Him to bring me through it.  No more turning inward.  Enough of the pity party.  I do not have the strength, willpower, or ability to do this on my own. 

Tomorrow is a new day.  And I will hand this over to Him.  Starting now.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time.  Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. --1 Peter 5:6-7

Quoting the Lorax

Today was the first day I fought back tears during a meal.

My husband marinated and grilled boneless pork chops.  I know that the members of my family all feel so bad to eat in front of me but I enjoy the smells and certainly don't want to miss dinner time with my family.

On a brighter note, we watched "The Lorax" with the kids this afternoon.  Several times I found myself laughing out loud.  What a cute show!

If you haven't seen it yet, I recommend it.  As a bonus, it includes much truth including this little gem, "It's not about what it is, it's about what it can become."

This one made me chuckle:  "When a guy does something stupid once it's because he's a guy.  But if he does the same stupid thing twice, that's usually to impress a girl."

But my favorite quote centered around the Lorax's ominous use of the word, "Unless".

"Unless someone like you cares an awful lot,
nothing is going to get better.  It's not."

Hunger Games

Four hours of class yesterday morning, thirteen hours of driving, eight hours of sleep, and fifteen hours of catching up at home...it's been a busy couple of days.

The kids were all happy with their gifts.  We also made the discovery that dogs do not like the sound of harmonicas.  Poor things howled and howled as it was passed around so everyone could try it out.

When I left home three weeks ago, I was willing to eat my daily serving cold from my cooler.  On the way home, not so much.  I just chose not to eat yesterday.

Today I ate half of my serving with my family as they ate their own lunch.  Tonight I ate the other half and inhaled (deeply!) the aroma of taco meat as everyone else dug into my husband's tacos.  Then two of the kids decided to make peanut butter cookies.  Hmmm...being home is going to take some adjusting.

I weighed this evening and I'm down 28 pounds.  This week I plan to go in and have some blood work done to see how this may be affecting my health.  As this page evolves I'll start tracking these kinds of things and make it available to you.

My family was shocked at my appearance but pleased that I feel good and seem to have plenty of energy.

Tonight we watched "The Hunger Games".  With my kids reading it, I decided that I'd better read it, too.  (I like to know what my kids are feeding into their heads.)  It took all of a week to get through the trilogy at the beginning of the summer.

As I watched tonight, I wished that the director had put more emphasis on the hunger felt by people all over the country.  I felt that the book did a much better job of making this central to the story.  Hunger is very powerful and leads people to do things that they wouldn't ordinarily do.  To think of hunger as a weapon used by a government to control a population is a terrifying concept.

And the fact of the matter is, there is plenty of food in "The Capitol".  Can you imagine a world where there are so many people starving, yet some have more than they can possibly need...or want?  Where some have excesses that the others can't even fathom?

Well, can you?

Good Gifts

No stomach growls today!  My body was tired, though.  I packed tonight and hauled some things out to my vehicle...and they seemed much heavier on the way out than on the way in.

But part of that is due to the fact that when I travel, I enjoy buying my children small gifts. 

Stopping into gifts and souvenir shops to look for the perfect item for each child makes me feel closer to them.  It is a time to consider each of my children and the things they like or collect.  I look forward to surprising them and letting them know that I thought of them while I was gone.

This time I found some of the old standbys.  One of my kids collects pins, so she's easy to please.  She has no idea how much time I spend debating between the varieties.  They are all displayed on a canvas bag to remind her of the places we have visited. 

The other ones are a bit tougher.  My oldest son and his wife like unique things, so I was thrilled to find them something right on campus that was a Fair Trade item made in India.  My youngest son will get a kick out of his harmonica and my youngest daughter will be thrilled with her pretty heart necklace that were both purchased at the Grand Ole Opry.

My husband, although he requested a new leather motorcycle jacket, will have to settle for a small genuine Louisville Slugger bat that I received with my tour of their factory.

With these things on my mind, I was surprised today in class when my professor told a similar story and quoted a familiar verse that I was able to see in a new light.  (Thank you for the inspiration, Dr. Johnson!)

If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!  --Matthew 7:11

I hope you are asking.  Daily.

Damaged Goods

Over the last two days the stomach rumbling has started back up.  It isn't too terribly uncomfortable but kind of embarrassing when I'm sitting in close quarters between two classmates. 

My energy level continues to be high.  In fact, I enjoyed an hour-long workout on the elliptical tonight...ironically, while watching the Food Network. 

I wanted to share with you an interesting insight from today.  The heavily damaged tempera painting below was found by accident in 1919 in a dilapidated woodshed near Zvenigorod, Russia.

The artist was Andrei Rublev who lived in the 13th century and contributed works of art to cathedrals in that area.  He is particularly well-known for his depiction of the Holy Trinity.

When you look at Rublev's interpretation of Jesus, what you initially see is the damage--the missing top of the head due to rotted wood, jagged "scars" throughout the face and neck, the hole in the throat, chipped and flaked paint that distorts shapes and colors. 

However, when you start looking past the damage, you start noticing some of the genius of Rublev.  Look, for instance, at that very small mouth. 

Jesus spent lots of time simply being quiet.  In fact, he often instructed others to do the same!  He chose his words carefully and was often misunderstood.  When accused and tried for the crime of heresy, he remained largely silent rather than spewing out a panicky defense.  Often, we are told in the New Testament, Jesus sought time to be alone, be quiet, and pray.

In continuing to observe the painting, you will also be taken by the eyes.  Jesus certainly doesn't look rested here, does he?  The dark circles illuminate the toll that Jesus' ministry took on his physical body.  He was, after all, fully human (as well as fully divine).  There were many demands upon his time and energy from the moment his ministry began. 

Notice that his body seems to be walking by you...but it seems you have caught his attention.  He has stopped and turned his head to see you and hear from you.  His eyebrows are lifted as if he is anticipating your greeting...your questions...your needs.  He is looking at you.

As a non-artistic person, if I had walked by this painting hanging on a wall, the rotted wood and damage would've made me wonder why in the world it was kept.  And I would've kept walking. 

And I would've missed it.

But by looking deeper, listening to my teacher, acknowledging the talent of the artist, and understanding the symbolism, I developed an appreciation for this great work of art that was created in Christ's image.

Everyday we walk by damaged goods and don't take notice.  In actuality, we are all damaged goods...some being more damaged than others. 

But if you look closely, if you listen, acknowledge the genius of their creator, and take time to understand them...you just might find that you can appreciate these damaged people that were created in Christ's image.

The Gold Rush

I got to visit with one of my classmates today about her life and her journey to Asbury.  She grew up in Singapore where she was brought up communally with her father's family.  So there are lots of fond memories of family...especially cousins.

Although they were poor, she didn't realize it.  Their toys came from nature--dirt, water, trees.  In fact, the first time she visited the city and saw a doll, she said she thought, "What is this that looks like me?!"  

She had heard of "Christians" before, but thought that this was something that one was born into.  In other words, her understanding was that one could only be a Christian if her parents (and their parents, etc.) were Christians.  Not that it mattered, she didn't even know what it meant to be a Christian.  She had absolutely no knowledge of the Gospel.  None.

With no spiritual knowledge or transcendent faith of any kind, she remembers distinctly thinking that life was meaningless.  

However, God changed that through the ministry of Campus Crusade.

One day while she was studying, one of the ambassadors of this program shared the Gospel with her.  In particular, Romans 5:6-8 got her attention:

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

I don't think I will ever forget her words.  She said, "It was gold."

This poor, rural young lady who went without the excesses (even some of the basics!) of what I would consider to be a "normal" childhood, understood the immense value of the gift she was given by a stranger who shared with her the story of Jesus Christ.

She gave her life to Christ then and there.  And she has never looked back.

Just listening to her talk with excitement about the many young people that she has brought to the Truth since that day through her own missionary work is a blessing.  She simply lights up!  For her it is an amazing privilege and honor to serve God in this way.

There are many people who don't understand the importance of missionaries.  Stories like this remind me that their are many, many out there who have never had the opportunity to be introduced to Jesus Christ.

“Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." 

 How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can anyone preach unless they are sent? As it is written: “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!”  (Romans 10:13-15)

She didn't just sock that gold away.  Instead, she became a gold mine.

And she is spending her life recruiting miners.

Ups and Downs

Today had some ups and downs.

First, on my way to class this morning I noticed that I had a small bump (the size a pen tip) on my thumb.  It was kind of itchy and painful.  It reminded me of a festered sticker or something.  About halfway through the morning session, I realized that it had turned into a big blister.  What in the world?  I have no idea what that's about, but wonder if I was bitten by something again.

After class I ran to the store for bandages and then fell asleep as soon as I got in.  I was exhausted and achy.  I slept for three hours. 

After a full day of rest yesterday, I was surprised by my fatigue.  I am happy to report, however, that I feel much better tonight.

I let my water intake slip a bit yesterday and this morning so I'm going to chalk it up to that.

On a more exciting note, I started conversations with Numana on planning a packaging event next August 1!  Mark your calendars, people. 

When an event is hosted, the food that will be packaged must be purchased.  I expect that we will be able to put together 100,000 meals that day.  Yes, that's right...100,000!  In order to make this happen we will need $23,000 to buy the food itself.


This is just the beginning.  We have a long way to go to reach this goal.

If you haven't completed the form (also always available in the right column) to support this project (either through prayer, sharing the project with others, or by pledging a donation for the year, and/or each month, week, or day that I successfully abstain from food other than my one daily serving of Numana this year), please take the time to do it.  It doesn't matter how small the pledge may be, every little bit helps.

An easy way to support the project is simply by "liking" it on Facebook or following it on Twitter.  Both of these methods of support help spread the word.

Also, plan to join us on August 1in Salina if you can.

And, uhm...plan to bring a covered dish.  I'm going to be ready for your home-cookin'!

Sabbath

Today was my first time to intentionally practice a Sabbath.

I slept in and spent my day relaxing--doing the things I enjoy doing (mostly in my PJs).  I wrote, visited with friends through facebook, prayed, thought about everything and nothing, read, played the guitar, and listed to music.  What a great day.

This is something I've intended to practice regularly for a long time.  It's tough when you are raising a family to set aside time to relax and rejuvenate.  However, that is what God intended for us to do.  I would also say that it doesn't have to be on Sunday.  In fact, mine won't.  Sundays are just too busy at our house.  Instead, we will choose Saturday.

I encourage you to pick a day and give it a try.  Be careful not get legalistic about it though.  God never intended it to be a hassle, but a blessing.

Food was absolutely a non-issue today.  I ate my serving of Numana at about 3:30 and was satisfied.

One of the songs I played today was "The Ghost of Tom Joad".  Yes, another Springsteen song.  :)  As I played and sang, the words got to me.  They certainly tie in with my project.

This version includes a musician and singer from the band "Rage Against the Machine".  They remade the song a few years back.  It's a neat version of the song--and to be honest, I like a bit of screamin' guitar now and then.  Enjoy!

Nobody's kiddin' nobody about where it goes...

The Streets of Louisville

I spent the day with a friend in Louisville today.  And it was a beautiful one!

We toured the Louisville Slugger Factory and visited Churchill Downs.  The weather was gorgeous and I thoroughly enjoyed seeing some American classics.

But the things I noticed that stuck in my head the most were not the things I came to see.  Isn't that how it works?  They certainly weren't things that I was looking for, but things that just jumped out at me.

The first was this partially eaten apple.

When we walked by it I thought, "I could pick that up and eat it!"  And this thought completely surprised me.  Would I have thought twice about an apple on the sidewalk before today?

As we continued our adventure, we decided to stop for a drink at Subway.  Walking in I noticed torn pieces of the Subway bread scattered near a table for the birds to enjoy.

Someone didn't eat their fresh, warm, delicious bread.  Do you know how much I miss bread?  Yes, I could've eaten it off the ground...and been perfectly fine with it.

In fact, my friend and I considered the possibility of adding this little rule to my challenge.  If I find food left by someone else (legitimately left by someone I don't know and not planted for my benefit), I can eat it if I want to.  What do you think?  Fair enough?  I'll need some feedback before I will change my rules but this seems reasonable...not to mention humbling.

As we passed a tree planted in a cut-out of the sidewalk that was covered with a grate, it reminded me of story from my childhood.  The story began with my confession that I never appreciated all of the things my parents provided for us, including the trips they took us girls on.

At that point, I nearly stepped on this...

...a shiny dime.  I took the time to stop, pick it up, and put it in my pocket.  Then I continued my story...

I was probably 12 or 13.  We were walking down the sidewalk in Philadelphia and I noticed a man poking a stick into such a grate.  My curiosity got the best of me and I went over to see what he was poking at.  Was it a small animal?  What was so interesting to him?

As I stood beside the man looking down into the grate, I realized that he had placed a piece of gum on the end of the stick.  He was using this tool to try and pick up a dime that had fallen in the grate.

My mind was blown.  For the first time in my life, I had to face the desperation in which many people must live.

Ironic that I found a dime in the midst of telling this story?  No...not at all.

God made me mindful of many things on the streets of Louisville.

Content...Whatever the Circumstances

While looking for the weight room today, I ran across a scale.  My curiosity got the best of me.  I've lost more than 20 pounds.

Don't worry.  My BMI indicates that I still have plenty of calories stored away for a hungry day.  And I feel good.

But, I couldn't stay warm today.  My insulation layer is apparently gone.  I invested in some sweat pants and a jacket...2 sizes smaller than the shorts and short-sleeved tops I brought with me.

It was the last day of my first class, so we all went down to the local Mexican food joint for lunch.  I enjoyed the smells and drank my water.  It's funny that the sight and smells of food isn't torturous, but rather pleasant.

This evening I talked to my best friend since childhood.  I have put off telling her about this project because I knew she, like my sisters and parents, would be concerned and feel helpless.  She did indicate concern, but of course there is nothing she can do to "help" me besides support my efforts.

No headaches.  No aches and pains.  No cravings.  No regrets.

For the first time in my life I feel that I can understand Pauls' words to the people of Philippi:

I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

--Philippians 4:10-13

Follow Me

This was the first day I had a hard time keeping my britches up.  With another week and a half away from home, I may find myself doing some creative finagling with my clothes.  I am kind of scared to step on the scale when I get there.  After all, my stored energy needs to last a long time.  (Shamefully, I have had more than my share in the ol' storage shed.)

I have an internal debate going on about exercise.  It seems to me that it would be important to maintain muscle tone and aerobic activity to combat the fatigue.  I've been exercising and it feels good, but I'm aware that this is causing my body to burn the calories faster.  Should I just do weight training 2-3 days a week instead?  I guess I need to do some research.

Another issue that I haven't mentioned up until this point is heartburn.  This has been a surprising annoyance. But it has allowed me to enjoy my one "treat"--Tums.  (I still take medications, as needed.)  So why would I have heartburn when I only eat 1/2 cup of bland food at time?  Is this another sign that my body is getting getting rid of toxins?  Is this just part of the adjustment process?

It appears that I am coming to you with way more questions than answers this evening.

And that's okay.  We don't always need to know exactly what we're getting into before we jump in...before we're in the thick of it.  

I know twelve guys who were called to "Follow me."  Who just jumped right in.  And who helped change the world.

Was it always the best decision for their families?  Their careers?  Their health?  I think that many could make a good argument that it was not...especially when considering that each of them suffered an early and unpleasant demise. 

But I would hazard a guess that each of them would make that choice all over again.

I'm not saying they had no regrets.  Men from this group struggled with their pride in front of Christ, denied him, questioned him, disappointing him, abandoned him...and one even betrayed him.

Yes, even those chosen twelve made mistakes.  Even those chosen twelve needed grace.

Do not let your fears, your questions, keep you from following.

Look at those Smiling Faces

My second suite-mate is from Indonesia.

Her insight into my project was the fact that there are no assistance programs and food banks there.  If there is no food, there are no options.

According to my friend, most of the poor in the United States live at an Indonesian upper-middle class level.

We don't realize how good we've got it, until we see something like this...

Although this video didn't originate in Indonesia (but in the nearby Philippines), it illustrates the large gap between the "haves" and "have nots".

I hope it makes you cry.

Home Grown Hunger

Two weeks!

I noticed today that my fingernails do not appear to be growing.  I painted them a week ago and the polish still goes down to the cuticle.  Interesting. 

Also, usually when I workout I sweat...a lot.  This is kind of gross, but usually I am soaked after 40-50 minutes on an elliptical machine.  Completely soaked--wet clothes, wet hair...it honestly looks like I just stepped out of the shower.  However, after working out for 45 minutes tonight I realized that I barely broke a sweat.  Although I'm drinking lots and lots of water, my body is obviously aware of the need to conserve. 

I've made another interesting discovery.  The two women that each also have rooms in this suite have both experienced life in such a way that they can relate to my journey and this entire project.  It's a God thing.  (Knowing that He is in control, why do these little gifts always surprise me?)

Late yesterday evening we were able to visit about our lives.  One of them grew up in the midwest.  Her father left when she was young, leaving her mother to raise both her and her sister.

They were poor.  And they were hungry. 

In fact, their daily meal was Cheeseburger Macaroni Hamburger Helper...without the hamburger.  (Her sister didn't like any other flavor.)  Each evening, this was the meal that would sustain her until morning, if she got a meal at all.

For breakfast, mom got two kinds of cereal--Fruit Loops and Frosted Flakes.  Her sister didn't like Fruit Loops, so that's what my friend ate for breakfast.  Everyday.

School lunches were a God-send.  She said that she would eat as much as she possibly could each day at lunch.  But when summer rolled around, it was a very, very long three months without much food.

Although they were always hungry, sometimes she just couldn't get herself to eat the Fruit Loops or the Hamburger Helper.  It made her nauseous to even look at them.  She would prefer simply to not eat at all rather than to have to choke them down.  In fact, to this day she cannot get herself to eat those sweet, fruity, colorful loops.

Interestingly, my new friend is now a professional cook and particularly enjoys grilling.  But there have been times when she would realize that she hadn't eaten in several days...and she would have to make herself eat.  Now she is hypoglycemic which requires that she eats something every 3-4 hours.

There are other long term issues also.  She has chronic problems with her electrolytes, body pain, and heart issues which require medication.  All are from suffering from long-term malnutrition as a child.

And this is a young lady who grew up right here in our midst.

I am thankful for the systems, foodbanks, and grassroots efforts in many communities to provide food for those who would otherwise not eat.  In my community, the school district also provides summer lunches for any child that needs a meal.  I know that this makes those summer months much more bearable for hungry children.

If you aren't supporting these ministries (and they ARE ministries whether they know it or not) in your own community, please consider finding out what is available and pitching in. Encourage your school district to look into a summer meal program--especially if your free and reduced meal rate is significant.

 And be grateful.

Crying in the Chapel

I experimented with the food today trying to figure out how to just make one serving at a time so that my meals will always be fresh.  I failed miserably and choked through a meal with only half-cooked rice.  The smell of the spicy Indonesian food that was being prepared by my suite-mate was a wonderful addition to my impatiently-made serving.  The aroma of the garlic and onions was heavenly.

Tonight I want to share a story with you that really moved me today.  A pastor in my class shared this story during the devotional at the noon Eucharist.

A few years back he was attending a retreat.  One day he headed toward the river to spend some time alone and pray, but instead found himself drawn to the "chapel".  In actuality, it was an old cinder block building that was serving as a make-shift chapel for the retreat.

As he made his way to the chapel, he thought, "Why in the world am I going to this ugly old building when I could go down to the riverside and enjoy the beauty of God's creation?"  But, he he felt compelled to continue on to the small gray building.

When he went in, he noticed that the Holy Communion elements were on the table.  He reached the table and extended his hands over the elements, praying and allowing himself the time to contemplate the sacrifice of the body and blood of Jesus.  

And he heard a man start crying.

This didn't surprise him much.  After all, he was at a retreat where (as he said) "it happens."  He continued with this inner worship.  

At some point, however, it entered his mind that the communion elements were the focal point of the chapel when they were present and he was blocking the man's view of them.  So, he took a step over and, out of curiosity, he turned to see who had been crying.  But nobody was there.

A little frightened, he searched the room with his eyes.  No...he was alone in the small, temporary chapel.  How could this be?  Nobody had left the room.  The crying was quite clear and unmistakable and  most-certainly a man's cry. 

And he wondered, "If I continue, will I hear the crying again?"

He extended his hands over the elements and resumed his prayers and meditation.  The crying did not come, but the choked gasps that often signal the end of a crying jag were quite clear. 

When he finished, he surveyed the room once more.  As before, he was alone.

But we all know he wasn't.  

We never are.

...I am with you always, to the very end of the age.  --Matthew 28:20

Oh, the Smells!

I was dreading spending the weekend in a dorm room without enough to keep me busy.  When I discovered that Nashville, TN is only 215 miles from Asbury along with the fact that Keith Urban was playing the Grand Ole Opry this week, I decided to make a road trip.  One of my classmates offered to come along, too!

We went straight downtown when we arrived--taking in the sights, sounds, and smells of the touristy Broadway area of Nashville.  It seems that my sense of smell has gone into overdrive.  I notice every little smell and find myself seeking to "place" it.

The fresh cut grass, the cinnamon pretzels at Auntie Anne's, a variety of Chinese foods, burgers at the Hard Rock Cafe, and the kettle-cooked popcorn outside of the Opry building.  It was a never-ending assault on my nose.

Actually, what I found is that I very much enjoy those wonderful smells.  It didn't make me feel like I was missing something, instead it made me feel that I was getting to enjoy it in another way.

After a full, busy, exciting day yesterday, we enjoyed sleeping in and catching the 11:00 service at Freedom Church.  It was an inspiring and Spirit-filled worship service.  What a welcoming group of fellow Christians!

A quick stop at the Sonic afterwards allowed my friend to grab a wonderfully-smelling burger combo meal with fries while I was tickled to get my Route 44 water (because Sonic ice is simply delightful).  I was pleasantly surprised to even catch the sweet/sour scent of her Lemonberry slush.

Once I got back to my room and settled in to reflect on the weekend, what I realized was that I really didn't miss food over the last two days.  I was engaged in life and enjoying the gifts that God did provide for me without wishing for more.

I think that's a breakthrough.

Physical Hunger or Heart Hunger?

Good news!  Today was easier.  I had energy and didn't struggle with food fantasies.

What made the difference?  Advice from a fellow student:

I just read through your blog. I once was in a bible study that focused on searching out "true hunger" (heart hunger vs physical hunger) by realizing signs of physical hunger (stomach growls, stomach pain, headache) instead of heart hunger (thoughts of food, thinking of desires, projecting our love for Christ on to other things). 

The solution the bible study offered was to feed yourself in the Word, write scripture, meditate on it, memorize it... And keep doing it until the temptation goes away. Sometimes temptation is short-lived sometimes long. Use the Word--as food, a weapon against the enemy, for comfort, etc. 

What amazing advice!  I have little experience with fasting and, although I've read lots on fasting, implementing the same concepts to this challenge had not yet entered my mind.  My last post on making sure my focus is on God (and not me) along with this advice on turning to Him (rather than turning inward and giving into fantasies or simply trying to use will-power) have worked together to give me a new outlook and a renewed excitement for the task at hand.

Other than scripture, there isn't much help greater than the counsel of other Christians.

Not to mention...one should never underestimate the power of prayer.

A Prayer for Strength

Yesterday was hard.  I don't know why some days are harder than others, but some are.

When I was brushing my teeth, I noticed my tongue was coated.  Gross.  I was tired.  I was hungry.  A trip to the grocery store for ingredients for a breakfast casserole for my class the next morning just about did me in.  

What's up with the coated tongue?  Well, I looked it up.  Apparently my body is ridding itself of toxins.  (Hmmm....this might take a while.)  It will clear up on it's own one day soon (when the toxins are all gone) and be a beautiful, healthy, new shade of pink.  At that point, according to the doctor's post that I was reading, my hunger will return.  

It will return?  It never really left!!

I felt sorry for myself.  I fantasized about Tucsons' fresh bread, salad, steak, grilled veggies...and dessert.  I told myself that God is not legalistic.  He's not holding me to this challenge.  It's okay to quit.  

And it is okay to quit.  And one day in the next 355 days I may just do that.

But I realize now that I was focusing on the wrong things.  My focus was on me--my pain, my hunger, my wants, my satisfaction.  

That was never the intent of this project.  It's time to redirect.  

My focus is two-fold really.  Hunger is the public focus.  How can I bring attention to it and help do something about it?  (For my friends and family who see me regularly, this is a very tangible way to develop an understanding of hunger.)

But the second, and more private, focus is on my relationship with God.  This private aspect of the project is the reason you don't see my name associated with it.  It's personal.  This experience and struggle is opening up space within me that was previously consumed with my own abuse of food.  It's opening up space for God to work.  

Father, teach me through this experience.  Give me strength and courage.  I pray that you will sustain me through this time and nourish me in many, many ways.  I pray Your blessing on all companies such as Numana who are fighting the battle with world hunger through providing food and spreading awareness.  Finally, Lord, be with all of those throughout the wold, including those right here in the U.S., who don't have enough food, who don't have food choices, and who don't have clean water to drink.  I pray that each of them will find You so that one day they will enjoy feasts in Your Kingdom.  Amen.

Chapel...with Dumplings

There was no class yesterday.  Instead we had time to study, take our first test, and write our first paper.  It was a relaxing day.

At 11:30 I attended chapel services.  As you may have guessed, the message involved food.  

The speaker was from Singapore.  With his father-in-law suffering from cancer, his wife recently went home for a two month stay to help care for him.  This week he decided he was going to cook Chinese dumplings.

His wife often told him that she didn't like to make dumplings because it was tedious.  His response was, "No problem.  The kids and I will help you wrap them."  Once the filling was made, each dumpling had to be hand-wrapped in dough.  

What he found, however, when he was on his own making the dumplings, was that the wrapping was the easy part!  It was the tediousness of cleaning and chopping and mixing the vegetables that made preparing dumplings so difficult.  

He never knew.  His wife never told him.  What a surprise to find that his offer to help was not nearly as helpful as he thought it was.  

We just don't get what someone else is going through until we walk in her shoes.

The Eucharist

Apparently my body is adjusting, because day 7 was much easier.  I have a feeling that I will have many ups and downs throughout the year.

I've worried about my lack of energy and decided that I need to continue to exercise throughout this year--even though I know that will use precious calories.  But on each of the last two evenings I put in 45 minutes on the elliptical without feeling I was pushing it.  The Olympic coverage helps!

During the noon hour on campus, the Eucharist is available daily.  The word "Eucharist" is taken from the original Greek word (εὐχαριστία),  used in the New Testament (1 Corinthians 11:23-24).  It's the verb that tells us He "gave thanks" after breaking the bread.  I actually prefer to call this sacrament, "Holy Communion".  Our God is a God of relationship.  Through the "Lord's Supper" we are reminded that He calls us to be in relationship with Him and each other.  No one name can encompass the depth of this one spiritual act.

This sacrament was especially meaningful to me today.  With my belly so empty, there was something very special about accepting Christ's body and blood into my own body.  That sounds kind of weird, I know.  And, honestly, I really can't explain it.  But knowing that the only nourishment to my body in an 18-hour period was the bread and juice of the Eucharist, also nourished my soul.

Don't get me wrong, each time I participate in Holy Communion I am moved.  But this was different.

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13, NASB)

Momentary Pleasures

It's been a busy couple of days.  Over the weekend I prepared to leave my family for three weeks while I attend some summer intensive sessions at Asbury Theological Seminary.  My folks and some of my sisters came to see us before my trip.  As you can imagine, there was lots of good food.  In fact, my daughter-in-law made my favorite muffins--banana nut with cream cheese and chocolate chip filling.

It was hard for me, of course, but even harder since I really didn't want to tell my parents and my sisters about the project.  I knew they would worry--especially with a 12-13 hour drive in front of me.  When asked, I just told them I was on a special diet for a while.  Which is true.

In my class this morning we talked about the fact that as humans we are sinful, yet our natural/healthy state is not sinful.  It is a constant battle.  I can see this in my project.

I love food.  I am guilty of over-indulging in the pleasures of food on a regular basis.  This is a constant battle for me.  One of the things I'm learning through this exercise is that I have (and probably many, if not most Americans are in the same boat) used food for the pleasure of it rather than for the necessity of it.  I don't provide my body with the fuel it needs to run at peak performance.  Instead, I provide my body with the flavors and textures that my mouth and brain enjoy.

In fact, how many people do you know who will say things like, "I just don't eat vegetables.  I don't like them."  That person is certainly taking food for granted.  I'm not condemning them...I get it!

When I think about those who are starving...
when I think about those whose meal each day is a donation from a company such as Numana...
when I find myself eating my own portion of food nowadays...
the variety of foods that we have available to us on a daily basis seems like an amazing extravagance.

Over a year's time will I forget how different things taste?  Will my stomach revolt when I try my first cheeseburger and fries in a year?  Will I want a cheeseburger and fries in a year?!

In some ways, each day has gotten more difficult.  In other ways, I realize that those tastes are momentary pleasures that should not matter as much as they seem to in my mind.  For example, when I said "no" to the donut this morning, I knew that I wouldn't later think, "Man, I really wish I had eaten that donut!"

Can you imagine life without those momentary pleasures?  Some people ONLY know life without them.

I'm fortunate that this is just for one year.

When you sit down for dinner tonight, remember that you, too, are fortunate.

Entrusted

I had never tasted the Numana meals prior to starting this project.  I knew it would be bland.  And honestly, I thought it might freak me out a little.

Of course, August 1 was our first night to prepare it.  I decided to eat my meal as my family eats their main meal together since this is usually important family time.  As my husband prepared it along side the spaghetti, green beans, and garlic bread he was making for the rest of the family we chuckled a little.

It wasn't bad.  I guess I should let you know the basic contents--rice, soy flour, salt, beans, sweet dairy whey, corn protein, soybean oil, chicken flavoring, turmeric, onion powder, and some preservatives.

The package makes about six cups...six servings.  I scooped out a cup and smelled their delicious meal while I ate it.  No problem.

The second night was a little tougher.

Grilled juicy burgers with melted cheese and pan-fried tater tots were on the menu.  My meal was leftover in a plastic container in the fridge then microwaved right before eating.  It was a bit harder to swallow.

I miss eating.  I miss different flavors.

We needed milk yesterday so I had to make a run to the store.  It was not pleasant.  We have so many options...so many fresh fruits and vegetables.  We can afford to say, "I'm not hungry for that." and then find something else to eat.

I dreamt last night that I was frosting cookies.  Without thinking, I dipped my finger in the sugary goodness and put it in my mouth.  It makes me wonder how often I will dream about different foods over the next year.  If I can eat them in my dreams, maybe I won't miss them so much in my reality.

Can you imagine a world without grocery stores?  Without a variety of fresh produce?  Without an abundance of meat and bread?  I know many think I'm making a huge sacrifice, but there are people who live their whole lives like this...and die hungry.

From everyone who is given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked. --Luke 12:48

We have been giving much.  And we have a responsibility.

Obstacles...Seen and Unseen

I'm not a morning person.  Yet, here I am up early again this morning.  Why?  Bruce woke me up again.  This morning's 5am alarm was Springsteen's angry anthem, "Born in the USA".  Wow.

My biggest fear yesterday was that I would unconsciously pop something in my mouth without thinking.  I didn't.  I carried a water bottle with me most of the day.

When I came home after work, our "I am Second" bracelets were waiting for me.  The kids are wearing them, also.  My family's support is crucial to my success.  I know I am blessed in that area.

Then I took the kids to get haircuts.  On the way, I noticed that my elbow was bothering me.  Upon closer inspection, I realized that something had bit me--something with fangs.  These fang holes are a good 2mm apart, and there are two sets.  By the time we got to the hair stylist's, a large red feverish 2-inch circle enclosed them.

Great.

There have been articles in papers all over Kansas about the large number of spiders this year--in particular, Brown Recluse.  That may sound a bit paranoid; however, my husband has found several both at work and in our home even though our home has been sprayed specifically for spiders.

As I looked over this big red welt, my mind wasn't thinking as much about the type of spider that bit me as it was thinking about spiritual warfare.  Now, I don't know that Satan is responsible for my spider bites.  However, I do know that it is possible.  Why now?  Because I'm trying to make an impact on others.

Angels and demons?  Don't be ridiculous.

It is so hard to believe in those things we can't see.  Yet we are told over and over again in the Bible that they are real.  In fact, we are made up of body, spirit, and soul.  If you have a spirit, why is it so hard to believe that there are other spirits?  We know so very little about our world...our reality.  Yet, we think we know so much.

Let me ask you, if I professed to be a Christian but didn't live my life for Christ and rested in the false security that going to church each Sunday was somehow equivalent to faith--would Satan mess with me?  No need.  He would already have me.  It's those who live their faith that must fight this spiritual battle on a regular basis.  

So, if you were Satan (Remember, he is NOT God's equal.  He is not omniscient, omnipotent, or omnipresent.) with limited resources and abilities, who would you target for temptation and destruction?

I believe that those who must be the most on guard are those who are reaching out.  My piddly efforts may be bigger than some, but they don't compare to many, many others.  Billy Graham describes it as "living in a perpetual battlefield." (Angels, 1995)

In his letter to the people of Ephesus, the Apostle Paul says, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood,but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." (Ephesians 6:12, NIV)

The spider bites look better this morning.  All is well.  But I do feel like I've received fair warning to be on the lookout.

This journey is not going to be easy.

The First Blessing

My family and I celebrated yesterday.  We celebrated some of my favorite food and the beginning of this project.  It was great to have a late family meal at one of our favorite restaurants while we visited and watched the Olympics.

Later in the evening I had my favorite treat--a Wild Cherry Mudslide from Spangles.  Mmmmm...   This is the closest thing I've found to the "Brown Derby" that was served at the local drive-in of my hometown when I was a kid. (If you are ever in the Wichita area, I recommend that you give it a try!)

It was a great evening with my family.

I also found out that I have my first donor.  One of my husband's colleagues at work pledged to donate $1 for each day that I am successful in abstaining from any food other than water and my daily portion of Numana.

Not only that, but he shared the project with his small group from his church and they are praying for the success of this project.  That is an amazing contribution for which I am very grateful!

I went to bed last night in a state of excitement and fear.  I've been surprised at the fear I have felt in the face of this challenge.  But, I slept well.

God talks to each of us in different ways.  Although this may sound a little bizarre to some of you, those who know me and have heard the story of my call to ministry know that God has used Bruce Springsteen throughout my life in some very...err...instrumental....ways.  That's a whole other (and fascinating) story.

With Bruce in concert this year, I've found myself listening quite often to some of his live recordings.  When my kids started expressing their boredom with the same old songs over and over again in the car, I assigned my youngest son (a young teen) a favorite--Tenth Avenue Freeze-Out.

What does this mean?  Well, every time he is grumpy or needs to get pumped up for a swim meet, I'll say, "You just need to hear your favorite song, don't you?"  And I'll put it on...and make him involuntarily smile.  Or...when it comes on randomly when the kids are in the car with me I'll say, "Oh...it's your favorite song!" And then I will turn it up.  It is one of our little jokes.

One day I took my oldest daughter shopping and actually heard her humming the song.  Ha, ha!  Success!!

Well, this morning my husband's alarm went off at it's normal 5:00 time. The song playing on his clock radio?  You guessed it, "Tenth Avenue Freeze-Out".

Coincidence, you say?  Hmmm....when was the last time you heard this song on the radio.  To be honest, I don't remember ever hearing this song on the radio.  Ever.  It was a live version (not the same version I have) of a song that came out in 1975.  Although most people have heard of the song, "Born to Run" (the title track of this album), not nearly as many know this song.

But, it woke me up this morning on Day 1.

Encouragement from God.  What a blessing!